Jonwayne Pens Heartbreaking Open Letter: “When I Was 8, I Was Sexually Assaulted”

By | Posted November 13, 2017
"This global conversation has saved my life."
201711-13-jonwayne-pens-open-letter-sexual-assault

Following in the same courageous footsteps of countless victims of sexual assault, Los Angeles-based MC Jonwayne has penned an open letter about his own experience as a child, which he says was "inspired by the culture."

Posted to his Twitter account this past Saturday (November 11), the letter has garnered nearly 2,000 likes, but of far greater importance is the outpouring of love and support that the 27-year-old has seen in the aftermath of his reveal.

"Thanks for the words, guys. I've been awake and nauseous since I've written this," Jonwayne tweeted. "Soon as I get back to LA I am seeking much-needed therapy. It was such a part of my foundation that dismantling it has been tearing me down way beyond comfort."

In an effort to help encourage others to share their story, just as Jon was encouraged to share his, we have published Jon's letter below.

We're proud of you, Jon.


When I was 8, I was sexually assaulted. A man sat me down at a computer and showed me pornographic images while he made me sit on his lap. There was more that happened but I'd rather not go into further detail than that. I remember him showing me the sites but I had blocked out the rest of it and it didn't seem so out of the ordinary to me at the time.

Last year, when I had finally realized what happened, I looked up the long-lasting effects of childhood abuse and it was as if I was looking in a mirror. Poor self-esteem, bad hygiene, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, but what stuck out most were substance abuse and hypersexuality.

I was addicted to porn as a kid. Ever since that moment happened to me, I sought to make sense of it. I even catfished adults growing up in chat rooms, trying to find an answer to my pain. I never really grew out of that part until I stopped drinking. That's when I took my musical leave and rebuilt myself from the group up, attempting to seek out something that was under my nose all along. I was a broken man but I would not let myself become part of a predetermined cycle.

Up until that point, I had objectified women from afar. I flirted with fans online with little knowledge of who I was talking to; a screen name was just that. Thinking back, I wish I had acted with more scrutiny. I wish I was more aware of the responsibility that [had] been placed on my shoulders. It really is difficult to place myself within those shoes considering how different of a man I've become now that I've confronted what happened to me all those years ago. And now when I look back at how I used to view women, it makes me nauseous.

What a lot of men go through is a cycle, predestined by abuse. The abused become the abusers, and while I never did quite reach that point, it breaks my heart that our culture is subject to this. As a man, I am incredibly happy about the change in consciousness our culture is having right now. It is freeing a lot of us who experience trauma as kids and who never felt like there was a way out. Before all of these allegations about all these bigwigs came out, I was sitting with all of this like a brick in my chest. This global conversation has saved my life. I couldn't be happier to experience the salvation of toxic masculinity, which had a firm grip on me for years. To anyone I have offended with how I have behaved when I was lost, I offer my deepest apologies. I can only shake up the cycle from where I stand and hopefully encourage others to do the same.

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