I Got Super High & Wrote About Music Because My Boss Made Me

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Sorry Mom.

Sorry potential future employers.

It was 3:20 on a Monday and I was high on marijuana.

I could say it's a special day. Like everyone else I could have written this yesterday, pretended as though I'm "celebrating" a holiday, but the truth is it's just 3:20 on a Monday.

To pretend like it's "special" that I'm high in the middle of a workday is disingenuous. Sometimes, I need a little bit of help to get the creative writing juices flowing. Call it the PEDs of rap blogging; rap writing game Ricky Williams. While yesterday was no different than any other day where I'll smoke and go about my day, I still feel like it's important to keep the spirit of 4/20 going all year, to stop for a second and give thanks to the little plant that could.

Hey marijuana, thanks for making Michael Bay movies cool, thanks for Snoop Dogg and a big thank you for pretty much making everything ever that much better.

Seriously, it's practically a scientific fact that weed makes everything better. Music is no exception. We all know about Beer Goggles, where you get drunk and end up with Jhene Aiko only to wake up next to Rick Ross. Well, there's a weed version, it just doesn't have a catchy name...yet. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce Pot Phones.

There's really no way to explain just how it feels when you are halfway through a bag of Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos and that song comes on. It's a full body experience. Your head is lighter than air, but you body is so heavy. It takes you to another place. Maybe it's a line, maybe you hear parts of the song you never heard before and the stuff you've heard before - a lyric, a sound, a feeling - sound brand new. When your high and that song comes on it's true love. It was meant for you. It was a serenade. It was fate that you would be there in that moment and that song would play. Everybody else is listening, but you are experiencing. It's your fucking song. Really the only way to describe it is:

Ever listen to that same song not high?

Ever tried to recreate that same magical feeling you had just eight hours and three Doritos bags earlier, only to have it fall short?

You, my THC loving friend, have experienced Pot Phones.

Like Beer Goggles, Pot Phones make you feel like what you are experiencing is the greatest thing in the world when the reality is often drastically different. Go to bed with the greatest group of all-time and wake up stuck with two albums from a group of Finnish ascetic Christians and a $30 iTunes bill. The big difference, however, is that Beer Goggles make you never want to drink again. Pot Phones only make you want to get high again. It's a vicious cycle. I don't often go for the hokey, stereotypical weed songs, but if not now, when? Let's take time to appreciate some of those songs, shall we? 

Ludacris "Blueberry Yum Yum"

I forget this song exists on a regular basis. It's easily forgettable; nowhere near Luda's best. It's weird and wobbly. There'd be no good reason to remember this song, but every 6-8 months I get a craving for it and it only occurs when I'm so so fucking high. Regardless of all the kush clouds, my brain has a moment of clarity and tells me that I need to listen to "Blueberry Yum Yum." Its magical. The wobbling turns into a swaying. Luda sounds like Luther Vandross. It's perfect...for a few hours and then I completely forget about it...at least until I can get my hands on some edibles again.

Wiz Khalifa "Still Blazin"

Wiz Khalifa is the ultimate Pot Phone rapper. I'm willing to put my aversion to corny, redundant, monotonous rappers aside for this one because only Wiz understands what it's like to hotbox in a car wash, go to Smoothie King and burp up smoke on the counter (true story). Even when I'm high though, most Wiz songs don't do it for me, but there is something about "Still Blazin." That sample. Those drums. And of course, "Say I look high? I say I'm high bro." Preach.

Abstract Rude "Nuff Fire"

I'm not one for celebratory weed songs. Call me a Debbie Downer, but I find them corny. Which is why it takes a few blows for me to get on Ab-Rude's level. The video in this one is as important as the song though because it puts you right there in the circle. A great smoking circle with a shit ton of people is an amazing experience. Those who say weed isn't a social drug have never been part of an a 10 person session. This video makes you feel like you are right there eating pizza and smoking ridiculous amounts of weed with 'em. Remember though, no matter how high you are you aren't as high as the guy at the 1:55 mark.

Chance The Rapper "Smoke Again"

Pot Phones give you the ability to hear shit the unstoned ear cannot. Sober ears simply aren't on Chance's level, but thanks to a few hits of that one-hitter that looks like a cigarette - you know, the one your dad found in the driveway and gave back to you on Christmas - your ears are primed and ready. It takes a stoned ear to pick up on all the little vocal chops that are snuck in behind the thunderous bass. Those parrot-esque "ahh"s and the little melody where he kind of sounds like he's singing through a kazoo. Most of all though it's the attitude, the vibe of the song you can't grasp without THC. This is the kind of high when you don't give any fucks. Fuck eye drops. Fuck Febreeze. You own that shit wherever you are; you wear it like a badge of honor. Bumpin "Smoke Again"  makes you proud to be high and it lets the world know you are probably going to sneak outside food into that movie.

CunninLynguists "Beautiful Girl"

I'ma let you finish Luniz, but CunninLynguists "Beautiful Girl" is the greatest weed song ever. This one is a little different than the others in that even when your sober it's amazing, no Pot Phones necessary. I couldn't not include it. As you probably gathered, I like to smoke weed and listen to music - I'm pretty good at it too - and I also don't like corny shit. I love this song, though, because I can celebrate my affinity for weed without feeling cheap. First of all, the production is immaculate. That sample. The way it kicks in. It slaps you in the face and strokes your head at the same time. What makes it really great though is the originality in the lyrics. The whole thing is an extended metaphor for smoking weed. Sure the metaphor has been done before, but not to the extent it is here. The fact that they can make it a cohesive story is remarkable. Also, that beat.

Music gives you a high all its own, but there's nothing wrong with mixing it with weed. No go get your own set of Pot Phones and keep the spirit of 4/20 alive all year long. Now if youl excuse me, it's 1:15 on a Tuesday and I have some business to tend to.

[Lucas Garrison is a writer for DJBooth.net. His favorite album is “College Dropout,” but you can also tweet him your favorite Migos songs at @LucasDJBooth.]

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