Much like the promise of new Gucci Mane music despite his lengthy prison sentence, album leaks are inevitable in 2015. Case in point, Kanye's next album, SWISH, which seems to have made its way to the Internet today thanks to the technological acumen and general lack of human decency from one particular Reddit user. Just over an hour ago, this thread surfaced, where said person claimed to have recorded the entirety of SWISH from outside of a building where inside it was being played. I. Can't. Wait.
To the uploader's quasi-credit, it sounds like it could be the actual album. The tracklist was there as well, in addition to a Sharebeast link. To my eternal shame, I listened to this "leak" and Sweet Baby Jesus, it sounds like it was recorded from a submarine inside someone's asshole. I don't know who this mysterious Yeezy bandit is, but I can only assume he waited in line for the last Yeezy sneaker drop for days only to eventually have Kanye steal his pair, spit in his face and steal his girl.
Bear with me, but I'd like to offer up an alternate theory for this entire situation, one that is entirely ridiculous but not entirely impossible. I say that this is Kanye's album, that he constructed the entire situation by recording his album listening party while in a bathroom stall, two rooms over. He then uploaded under the guise of a random Redditor posting his link through cryptic, Sharebeast-y means, and that the entire album is actually one, really terrible sounding mp3. It's not just an album, it's SWISH: a deconstruction of the modern music landscape and a statement on album leaks and consumer hype. Or...some sneaky bastard went out of his way to try and screw over a famous artist in hopes of securing 15 minutes of Internet fame. Yeah, you're right. Probably the former.
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You have free will, you can listen to the leak no matter what I write or whether we post this. But if you trust my word at all, just don't. I regret it, and you will too. Let's all just hold tight and wait for the real thing. Sometimes patience is a virtue, even on the internet.
[By Brendan Varan. His favorite song off the album so far is the one where it's too muffled to figure out what's going on. Follow him on Twitter.]