Out of all the terms I've come up with in my now ten-year music writing career, perhaps my greatest work was the creation of the Poop Sandwich Principle. It goes a little something like this...
Music, like food, is relative. People in a lot of South America think peanut butter is gross, I eat it by the spoonful. The last time I was in Mexico I watched people buy bags of fried grasshoppers (chapulines) and munch on them like popcorn, I just couldn't bring myself to eat them. Neither peanut butter nor fried grasshoppers are inherently good or bad, it's just a matter of personal preference and background.
However, relativity isn't absolute. There are some things we all think are amazing (sugar), and some things every non-insane person agrees we should never, ever, under any circumstances, put in our mouths. You know, like a poop sandwich.
Up until now I've treated Lil Yachty like I treated chapulines. I'm gonna pass, but if that's your thing, by all means, have at it. I can appreciate creativity, and I'm certainly not about to try to convince someone else to change their diet. But Lil Yachty and Burberry Perry's "Beautiful Day"? This is a foot-long poop sandwich.
In a strange way this feels good. We live in a participation trophy society - Everyone's a winner! Hooray, you're the best!!! - where the worst thing you can be called is a hater. And the internet's filled with so many trolls, double-reverse trolls and quadruple-meta-trolls that we're afraid to say anything's just straight up terrible in case there's actually some genius joke we're missing.
But this right here? This is straight up terrible. "Beautiful Day" sounds like someone was trying to build a rapping robot, but before they could finish the robot sparked to life, bolted from the lab and was promptly run over by a garbage truck. This sounds like you ate some bad guacamole from Chipotle and had a fever dream where Sesame Street was populated by a meth-addicted Oscar the Grouch, and Snuffleupagus sliding up to you, saying he's down to suck for $5.
And just when you think it couldn't get any worse, the track closes with a solid two minutes of girls laughing and trying to sing, which is the audio version of every terrible high school party I ever went to. They're about two hours away from throwing up Mike's Hard Lemonade all over the living room. Even the esteemed Kylie Jenner gets in on the action, managing to prove in just a couple seconds that, against all odds, she was the less-talented one in her relationship with Tyga.
There's a lot of amazing music in the world that deserves your time and attention, go listen to it. But so few things unite us now, so let's all take a moment to gather around the fire, join hands, and agree that this song is terrible. And if, somehow, someway, for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, you convince yourself that "Beautiful Day" actually isn't that bad, that's on you.
Enjoy your poop sandwich, you'll be eating alone.
By Nathan S, the managing editor of DJBooth and a hip-hop writer. His beard is awesome. This is his Twitter.