It’s been a funny year for rap beef. Lil Wayne versus Birdman. Future versus Young Thug. Joey Bada$$ versus Troy Ave. Ghostface Killah versus Martin Shkreli. Meek Mill versus The Game. Meek Mill versus Beanie Sigel. Pusha T versus Drake. Drake versus Kid Cudi. Drake versus Joe Budden. Joe Budden versus those Drake fans who ran up on him and almost got stoned to death (the good old fashioned Biblical way).
Over the weekend, Lil Yachty and Soulja Boy went at each other's necks for a grand total of three days. It’s not only the worst rap beef of 2016, it’s the worst rap beef of all time.
First, let’s run through exactly what happened. On Friday (October 28), Soulja Boy Instagrammed what appeared to be a text conversation between himself and Lil Yachty, in which Yachty asks Soulja to remove a picture of him and model India Love from social media. “India my shorty,” Yachty wrote. “I fuck wit u bro u no dat but u gotta take dat down.”
Soulja Boy didn’t take too kindly to Lil Yachty’s text. “I can’t tell,” he responded. “U want beef n*gga?” From there, Soulja Boy went on a tear on social media, threatening to “snatch them fucking beads out [Yachty’s] motherfucking head” and posting text messages from India Love claiming she has never even met Yachty before.
In response, Lil Yachty tweeted, “Im not for beefing over no female…all Ima say is…fuckin wit da boat you gone sink. Period.” Then, during his appearance at Mala Luna Festival in San Antonio on Saturday, Yachty wore a shirt that said “Pray 4 Soulja Boy R.I.P. 2007–2016” and rapped, “Fuck Soulja Boy, you a bitch ass n*gga / Lil Boat came in with a hundred n*ggas / Fuckin’ on your bitch / I know that you mad.”
While Soulja Boy got briefly distracted by Atlanta producer Southside (aka Young Sizzle), who waged his own war of words with DeAndre Way after coming to Yachty’s defence, Lil Boat transformed from a goon back into the goofy kid we all know and love (or hate). “I guess when you get washed up you gotta go to desperate measures. I will never know what that’s like,” he joked in a hilarious video of him eating pizza in his hotel room.
On Sunday, Soulja Boy spent most of the day promoting a Lil Yachty diss song he recorded called “Fuck N*gga” (which has yet to be officially released). He also claimed Lil Yachty was crying on the phone to him trying to squash the beef. However, Yachty soon debunked that claim by leaking a phone call from Soulja Boy apologizing to him for the whole situation.
But there was one final plot twist: last night, Soulja Boy posted a video of him calling a truce with Lil Yachty and blaming the whole beef on him running out of weed and lean. “Lil Yachty, man, you know I love you, bruh,” he said. “You know how Big Soulja start tweakin’ when he ain’t got no weed.”
So yeah, Soulja Boy and Soulja Child spent three days threatening to slap the shit out of each other over a girl one of them has allegedly never met, all because the other was more sober than usual. Lil Bibby’s reaction sums it up better than any I ever could.
I’m not about to dive into a diatribe about how rap beef is dead and Soulja Boy and Lil Yachty are killing hip-hop blah blah blah. As far as anyone could tell, Yachty hit Soulja with a rather innocent request and suddenly found himself embroiled in a public beef with his favorite rapper. Soulja Boy, who coincidentally released a mixtape with Bow Wow earlier that week, had music to promote, and Lil Yachty wasn’t about to get punked so early on in his career.
Hell, it could have all been staged and in a few weeks, we’ll see Soulja and Yachty posing for the ‘Gram announcing a joint mixtape. In which case, I’m not sure who was supposed to “win” this rap beef? There were no diss songs released (our ears are grateful), no punchlines exchanged (because you need to be able to throw a punch in the first place) and most of the incriminating evidence has since been deleted (shouts to DJ Akademiks for screencapping every single thing that happens on the Internet).
Soulja Boy apparently gained 100k Instagram followers while Lil Yachty has a new T-shirt he can sell at his merch stands. There are no winners in the Soulja Boy versus Lil Yachty rap beef, only losers—and those losers are us. Like Cole said, “long live the idols, may they never be your rivals.”
By Andy James, who is now a vegetarian until further notice. Follow him on Twitter.