Months after announcing the not-so-top-secret collaboration, DJ Khaled has finally dropped his new single “I’m the One,” featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper and Lil Wayne.
For whatever reason, Khaled debuted the song—and video— at 6am this morning, forcing at least one Belieber to pull an all-nighter (which could have easily been avoided with an early night, but whatever). Anyway, that’s besides the point, because MAJOR KEY ALERT: KHALED GOT ANOTHER ONE!!! WE THE BEST!!! ASAHD STOP SLEEPING I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE A FUTURE MOGUL AND I LOVE YOU!!!
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The expectedly lavish video, directed by Eif Rivera, finds Khaled calling up Chance—the apparent ring leader of this star-studded supporting cast—to come “celebrate life, success and our blessings” at his mansion in California, where half-naked women ride horseback and Beats By Dre earphones and Belaire bottles just happen to be lying around.
While I don’t usually care for DJ Khaled’s music, I’d be lying if I said the combination of Chance, Quavo, Weezy and Bieber didn’t pique my curiosity. Chance’s verse, which arrives bang smack in the middle of the song, radiates with playful energy; he raps about “melting” coochies with his ice (get it?), dry humping in the club and girls with no cable (“okay, doe!”). The best part, however, is when he brags about not having a label on a song that sounds like it was conceived in a major label boardroom.
Elsewhere, Quavo’s line where he says, “and your looks just the same without no makeup” feels like a watershed moment for a genre that hasn’t exactly been nice to women, while Lil Wayne’s claim that “I’m the best yet and yet my best is yet to come” is so delusional (not of his own making, I must add) it’s almost adorable—like watching a toddler trying to dunk a basketball on his own. Towards the end of the song, Justin Bieber breaks out into a faux-dancehall riddim, because pop music just can’t help itself from whitewashing Jamaican music right now, can it?
"I'm The One" is produced by Nic Nac (my first guess was DJ Mustard or one of his numerous copycats, which would make the whole “And you sick of all those other imitators” thing pretty ironic), while Asahd, DJ Khaled’s six-month-old son, "executive produced" the record, along with everything else Khaled touches for the foreseeable future.
“I’m the One” isn’t a song anybody who values their sanity and/or dignity should ever pull an all-nighter for. But with its too-catchy-to-flop sound and too-big-to-fail cast, it’ll inevitably chart well, get heavy radio play and be a contender for song of the summer. So you better get used to it.