Desiigner might appear to be the happiest rapper in the world, always smiling, always joyful, but, according to the artist himself, his current demeanor didn't take shape until, as a teenager, he contemplated suicide.
"It came from me saying I don't want to be here no more," the 20-year-old told Snoop Dogg on a recent episode of his YouTube series GGN News. "The reason why Desiigner smile, it came from Desiigner wanting to kill himself."
"When I was younger, I had a situation where I was at my grandmother crib. It was the summer, we geeked up, we turnin' up, it's my first time smoking weed, I don't know if the weed got to me or something. But I'm turnt up and all of that, we over there, having a rap battle, and me and my homies—they from South Carolina—are rapping in a whole 'nother style. I'm rappin in a whole 'nother style, from the East Coast. I was like ahh, 'You fuckin' with me?' But I didn't really see the energy as if they was fuckin' with me. I'm young, so I'm like, 'I don't think I can do this music shit, man.' This is all I know, all I want to do is music. So I went home and I was like, 'Fuck that shit, I'ma kill myself.' The second I said that shit, I got scared as hell, bro... and so from then on, I was kept a smile on my face."
While it's easy to poke fun at Desiigner for his hyperactive personality—especially since his rap career is tip-toeing the thin line between collapse and glory—his story, delivered in a forthright and candid manner, serves as a friendly reminder that who an artist is on the outside is never the complete picture.