God bless Tyga’s soul, and I truly mean that.
For the better part of the last decade, Tyga has fallen somewhere in between the “This is fine” dog meme of rappers and a never-ending car crash where, every time a car runs into another, the sound is an Auto-Tuned squeal.
To be clear, this end result is not for a lack of trying, or even due to a lack of previous success; Tyga's cranked out or been a part of legitimate hits like “Rack City,” “Faded,” and “BedRock,” and there’s nothing any of us can do to take that away from him.
Tyga's newest album, Kyoto, is everything that is fascinating and abhorrent about his music rolled into 14 tracks. At times, it’s an Auto-Tune-heavy, poorly appropriated dancehall rip-off (think Less Life), while at others it's fairly catchy. Ultimately, it's an empty romance album filled with serviceable production and radio-friendly hooks.
This is not the worst album you can listen to, but that doesn’t make it good, either. In short, Tyga made the Olympus Has Fallen of rap albums.
Despite the album's fine production and the well-constructed catchiness, Tyga’s quintessential trademark at this point is his penchant for abysmal lyrics, and that is where I come into the picture. For every song I started to enjoy, such as the club-friendly, Gucci Mane-featuring “Sip a Lil,” or "Boss Up," which features some slick sampling, there are numerous acts of lyrical terror being committed by Tyga at every turn.
So grab a drink before continuing (preferably moonshine), here are the 15 worst lyrics from Kyoto:
"I lost my watch and I still found time" ("Temperature")
We aren’t more than 45 seconds into this album and Tyga has already begun rapping like an Instagram caption. With production best described as a “Blem Type Beat” and Tyga with a ridiculous Jamaican accent as the backdrop, these lyrics are surprisingly worse in audible form than they are on this page.
"Uh, girl your hot and cold, that makes you warm / Let your ex-man stay in the storm / When you don’t have to force it, it’s a force / All I ever want is more" ("Temperature")
Confirmed: Tyga has been ghostwriting Bryson Tiller’s tweets this entire time.
"And what’s left in the love if I gave you all of me, be patient / And when you need space, I give you a spaceship" ("Temperature")
For some reason, I'm imagining Tyga in the middle of a fight with the woman on this song, saying something like, “Oh you need space?! Well, maybe I’ll just give you a spaceship then! Is that what you want?!” Then birds fall from the sky and all the rivers turn to blood.
"See she can wear leather in the rain, she can find pleasure in pain" ("Leather in the Rain")
Honestly, are these not lyrics to a Savage Garden song from the late '90s?
"What number do you wanna be?/ I make you number one, yeah, one is all I need, yeah yeah/ They say you tripping, how you fall for me though?" ("Come and Ball Wit Me")
“Come and Ball With Me,” clearly the spiritual sequel to Frank Sinatra’s “Come Fly With Me,” is filled with lines like this, but my favorite Tyga lines are always the ones that sound like backhanded compliments to both his girl and to himself. Only Tyga can pull that off.
"Get mixed up with me, that’s the perfect mixture" ("Boss Up")
Somewhere in Tyga’s house sits a book of every noun in the world that he sifts through before each album to figure out how many puns he can mine from them. Once that’s complete, he’s already 80 percent done with the album.
"Every time you go out, it gets you nowhere / I been waiting right here, still I’ve been everywhere / And it’s like June now, but I love you like February" ("U Cry")
Tyga’s concerned trolling at the beginning of this lyric isn’t even the funniest part when you consider that he almost certainly forced the release date of this album to coincide with the “love you like February” line because that’s the most Tyga thing imaginable.
"When you cry, I cry, we cry, together" ("U Cry")
Tyga quite literally breaking down the way crying works in the middle of this Avant song from hell (Nah-vant, if you will) is my favorite thing about this album. It’s like the crying version of the children’s book Everybody Poops, where Tyga gives step-by-step instructions as to how being sad works.
"I been unfaithful, I been lying like the king of the jungle / But I ain’t lying when I say that I love you" ("King of the Jungle")
Let’s leave the irony of an artist named Tyga writing bars about lions being the king of the jungle on the table for a second. We can even leave Tyga’s backward logic about how lying works there as well. The absolute best and worst part of this lyric is knowing that Tyga probably spent all day thinking of this line, and the studio engineers had to sit there timidly nodding along like a JAY-Z gif as their faces melted off like the Nazis in Indiana Jones.
"Pushing through the city in my four by four by two / Yeah, barely fit it through the drive-thru / Wanna slide by you" ("Hard2Look")
- Tyga refers to the size of his car the same way you would describe what size photo you want on high school picture day.
- This is the first time in recorded history that not being able to fit through a drive-thru was a badass attribute to one’s vehicle.
- Does the woman Tyga is singing about work at a fast food drive-thru window? Does she work at a bank?
"But it’s so hard not to pick up the phone, bang your line one time and ask 'bout your day" ("Hard2Look")
*scene opens with phone ringing*
Travis Scott: “Hello?”
Travis Scott: “Listen, man, I know it’s you. She’s not available right now. You’ve got to stop this.”
Tyga: “I just... I just need to ask her about her day. Just... just one last time.”
*Call clicks, dial tone ensues, scene ends*
"My girl is better than yours, aha / She’s wetter than yours, aha / She coming to see me like I’m going on tour" ("I Need a Girl Pt. 3")
Imagine setting the bar so low in your relationship that the mere fact your girlfriend comes to see you serves as a moment to boast. It’s almost as bad as dating a 17-year-o…(feed cuts out).
"Got a baby for my body high, baby for my bed high/ got a lil baby for my bedtime" ("Sip a Lil")
If anyone ever refers to their nighttime drug usage with the phrase, “Got a lil baby for my bedtime,” you have probably just encountered the chief of police and this is some sort of sting operation.
"That face is first place, yeah, can’t be replaced, yeah / I race to your side, I try and fail but never fail to try" ("Faithful")
In the midst of Tyga and Tory Lanez recreating a musical Spider-Man pointing at a slightly smaller Spider-Man meme, this classic palindrome-styled lyric is enough to call any ex you’ve ever had and remind them that, despite trying and failing to make it work, you never failed to try. It’s a sure shot way to make sure you never see or hear from them again.
"Don’t curve me, your hips, your thighs / I told them other hoes, yeah, bye bye" ("Ja Rule & Ashanti")
Only Tyga could wind down his album by ripping off a bad Ja Rule song with even worse lyrics, mash a bad pun about curves into the front, and then top it off with “bye bye” because he just couldn’t quite think of anything else to rhyme with *squints* thighs…
Get me out of here, please.