I Pretended to Like "Frat Rap" for a Woman. This is What I Learned

If you look in the mirror and say “frat rap” three times, an aggressive white dude will appear and tell you Eminem is the greatest rapper of all time.
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I was never in a fraternity, and I don’t connect with frat culture, but I’ve always enjoyed a drink or seven, especially when I was in college. Just recently, I dated a girl who was obsessed with frat rap. I only pretended to be interested in it, but before I knew it, I had learned every damn thing there was to know about the self-explanatory sub-genre of hip-hop that involves more popped collars than you can shake a Coors Light at.

I was bullshitting my way to getting laid and, whatdoyaknow, I learned a new subject. Tell me, what is more frat rap than that?  

Like a peephole in the bathroom at a party, frat rap can be hard to find, but once you locate its coordinates, you can’t unsee it. All you can do is warn your friends.

For example, if you look in the mirror and say “frat rap” three times, an aggressive white dude will appear with a keg, a backward hat, and a Dane Cook DVD. He’ll give you his unsolicited opinion on Tom Brady and tell you Eminem is the greatest rapper of all time.  

In all seriousness, though, I respect the basic mission statement of frat rap. If your main goal is to make music that gets the party started, you’re a goddamn American hero.

After several weeks, and one failed relationship, here are my findings...

SAMMY ADAMS

Sammy Adams is what would happen if Stifler had an evil twin who was forced at gunpoint to create a mixtape. Adams' frattiest song is entitled “All Night Longer,” for which the song's YouTube title includes “(Viral Video).” I can’t tell if that means its popular, or if it’s just a reference to all the STD’s that were exchanged while filming it.

Here’s a sampling of Adams' lyrics:

In Vegas, yeah I drink Jäger / Throw bangers get serenaded by ladies basically naked / It's crazy this life I take it, yeah / Everybody notice white girls drink vodka sodas / Jack and cokes will get you open / Tequila shots are the dopest and I love it

Yes, “All Night Longer” sounds like an alien watched Animal House 10 times to try to learn how humans talk.

MIKE STUD

In the Spring Breakers-esque music video for “Mind Games,” Stud parties in a kiddie pool with some hot chicks in bikinis (dude, just splurge and buy a normal pool, you guys look so cramped), chugs liquor straight from the bottle (respect) and lifts weights in his front yard (a bit arrogant but ya stay gotta swole.)

I love the line “when life gives you lemons, I just add vodka” even though he obviously stole it from Mark Twain.

HOODIE ALLEN

First and foremost, Hoodie Allen has the greatest rap name in human history.

I actually discovered Hoodie when a friend played his music for me but prefaced it by saying “he’s a frat rapper.” I wanted to hate it based on the description, but as soon as she hit the play button, it was fricken impossible to dislike him. Have you heard “Act My Age”? Insanely catchy.

Even though the music video looks like the trailer for Project X Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo.

LIL DICKY

Honestly, I love Lil Dicky. I think he’s both hilarious and a genuinely talented MC. “Classic Male Pregame” is so accurate that it’s physically painful to listen to.

Dicky’s content usually isn’t “fratty,” but I'm including him because frat boys LOVE this dude. For whatever reason, LD has risen to the tippity top of frat martyrdom. 

Mark my words, one day they will build statues of this man outside of every frat house in the country.

HUEY MACK

Huey Mack once recorded a remix to Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” where he spits about being on the brink of fame while crooning “so fuck me, baby.” He sort of looks like a genie turned the phrase “my dad is a lawyer” into a person.

I’m pretty sure I met Mack in 2016 when he wouldn’t let me into a party because I “didn’t bring any pussy.” If not, he was definitely there in spirit.

ASHER ROTH

Asher is an interesting case. He doesn’t fit in with frat rappers because he’s not a frat rapper, but he is the father of modern day frat rap.

How can someone be The Godfather of a sub-genre that he’s not even a part of? What kinda Black Mirror shit is this?

In 2009, Roth famously released “I Love College,” the lead single from his major label debut Asleep in the Bread Aisle. Immediately, he was given the title “frat rapper.” If you listen to the rest of his discography, though, he’s about as frat-like as a feminist blogger writing an indie screenplay in a vegan cafe. 

Roth—or more specifically, his former major record label and management team—accidentally pigeonholed himself with “I Love College.” 

As a complete body of work, Asleep In The Bread Aisle is phenomenal, with minimal mentions of parties or pizza.

DREW LANDRY

I’m a white comedian, not a rapper, but my deep dive into frat rap also told me a lot about myself. Mainly, I’m a huge hypocrite. I’ll playfully bash frat rap because I think frat culture is misogynistic, but I'll gladly listen to Eminem shout about “choking whores.” 

I guess at the end of the day, I'd rather listen to a sexist rapper and say, “Wow, this guy has a disturbed mind” as opposed to “Wow, this guy probably owns a ‘No Fat Chicks’ t-shirt.”

Frat rap clearly isn’t for me, but I can respect the mission statement behind it. If it makes people happy and it helps to get the party started, then godspeed.

There’s nothing I appreciate more than good party music to get drunk to. But as we all know, that’s why Ludacris was invented.

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