Certain songs just make you wanna make bad decisions.
I like to call these songs Drunken Anthems™️. I’m capitalizing it on purpose because that’s how important these songs are. A great drunken anthem doesn’t necessarily need to be about drinking—sure, it helps—it's just a song that hypes your drunk ass up, a song that everyone sings along to after a few drinks.
The 2000s were an amazing decade for Drunken Anthems. For years, scientists have wondered what the BEST Drunk Anthem of the 2000s was and I finally did it. It’s not a stretch to say this is the most important article I've ever written.
So here they are—the 10 best Drunken Anthems of the 2000s, ranked.
10. Missy Elliott — "Get Ur Freak On" ft. Ludacris (2001)
When you’re hammered, this song is angelic. I’m a dorky white dude who can’t dance to save his life, but when this song plays my body involuntarily starts dancing. It's like I'm possessed by an awkward ghost that’s actively trying to cockblock me. It’s so catchy that it makes me almost forgive Missy Elliott for that Ghostbusters song she made with Fall Out Boy. Almost.
9. T-Pain — "I’m 'n Luv (wit a Stripper)" ft. Mike Jones (2005)
"I'm 'n Luv (wit a Stripper)" made this list not only because it’s a great Drunken Anthem, but because it’s one of the most romantic love songs of all time. It’s catchy but laid-back. That smooth beat, that awkward Mike Jones verse that reminds you Mike Jones existed—it’s like a twisted lullaby for sociopathic parents to sing to the kid they stole.
8. Eminem — "Ass Like That" (2004)
I know this is a polarizing choice but I had to do it. "Ass Like That" is interesting because it’s easily the shittiest song of Eminem’s career, but also somehow the greatest song in the history of music. Name another rapper with the balls to make a radio hit where he raps in a weird accent and says terrifying shit like, “You make my pee pee go da-doing-doing-doing.” That’s pure poetry. This song is a guilty pleasure, like eating raw cookie dough or watching Cosby Show reruns.
7. Usher — "Yeah!" ft. Lil Jon & Ludacris (2004)
Usher may be out here (allegedly) giving people herpes, but this song is just as infectious. And just as permanent. There’s a reason you can’t go to a nightclub in 2018 without hearing this song played at least once. DJs are actually required by law to play this song. And thank god for that.
6. Nelly — "Hot In Herre" (2002)
Everything about that song makes you wanna take off your pants, but then get embarrassed and apologize like, “I promise it’s usually bigger, but the song lied and it’s actually very cold in here.” Do you remember how awkward it was when this song played on the radio when you were in the car with your parents? I do. It’s branded into my brain and it dominates most of my therapy sessions.
5. J-Kwon — "Tipsy" (2003)
The lyrics are simple, plain, and to the point. “Everybody in this bitch gettin' tipsy.” Those words aren't an observation, they’re a direct order sent to J-Kwon from Jesus Christ himself. Everything about this song screams, “Let’s order some shots we can’t afford and get everybody pregnant.”
4. Terror Squad — "Lean Back" ft. Fat Joe & Remy Ma (2004)
This beat is a sonic curb stop, catchy but oddly menacing. Those beginning five seconds when the beat kicks in cause an out-of-body experience. I could be at a funeral for both of my parents, but if I hear this song, I'm still gonna start hollering with joy.
3. 50 Cent — "In Da Club" (2003)
As a kid, when 50 said, “Go shawty, it’s your birthday,” I thought he said, “Go Charlotte.” I spent 92% of my childhood trying to figure out who Charlotte was.
2. Any Ludacris Song, Pick Your Favorite
It was impossible to choose just one Ludacris song. That would be like choosing a favorite son but 10 times harder because at least Ludacris songs can’t watch anime. Just hearing Ludacris’ voice makes you want to make regrettable decisions. Saying that Ludacris isn’t the best party rapper is like saying the Earth is flat. Sure, you’re allowed to have that opinion, but that doesn’t change the fact that science has proven you wrong.
1. Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz — "Get Low" (2002)
The fuck did you think number one was gonna be? I was at an airport waiting to board my flight, the TSA lady said, "Line up next to the window,” and it took every bone in my body to not scream, “TO THE WALL!” That’s how influential this song is. It just wasn't a party in the 2000s if you no one blasted this indefensibly disgusting holy hymn. Just hearing Lil Jon scream those beautiful words (“YEAH!” “OKAAAAY!”) brings a tear to my eye.
Not only is "Get Low" the greatest Drunken Anthem ever, I would like to start a petition to make it the actual national anthem. I think we can do it.