It. All. Makes. Sense.
2018 Kanye has been a very confusing dude. Sure, he’s known for making headlines with his Kanye-esque shenanigans, but this is different. These recent controversies go against everything he stood for in the past.
Why would the man who famously said, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people,” praise known racist Donald Trump? Why would the son of a Black Panther say that 400 years of slavery was a choice?
At first glance, it's baffling. But then I stumbled upon a discovery that potentially explains everything...
Has the Kanye West of this past month been a paid actor?
I don’t wanna jump to conclusions. But yes. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the facts.
HE LOOKS DIFFERENT
Last year, photos leaked online of Mr. West, who, at the time was significantly heavier than usual. Which is fine. But now he’s thin again? Did he lose the weight? Or is this new “Kanye” a different, skinnier person? “Kanye” told TMZ that he recently got liposuction, but that sounds like the kind of lie you tell to cover up an obvious conspiracy.
HIS NEW MUSIC SOUNDS DIFFERENT
Neither of Kanye’s recent songs, “Lift Yourself” and “Ye vs. The People,” have been enjoyable.
Do either of them REALLY sound like Kanye records? Do you REALLY think the man who crafted My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, the greatest album of the 21st century, would spit a verse where he just says “Poopy-di scoop Scoop-diddy-whoop” a few times? Seems kinda fishy, doesn't it?
HIS RECENT BEHAVIOR ISN’T CONSISTENT WITH THE OLD KANYE
The idea of such a militant, progressive man supporting a pussy-grabbing bigot doesn’t make sense. Did Yeezus Christ hire an actor to play him for a month? Did he tell him he could do whatever the fuck he wants? Is this man trolling us on an unprecedented level?
I think the answer is clear. But this still leaves ONE question.
Who IS the actor?
My first guess was Daniel Day-Lewis. He’s the most dedicated method actor of all time. He was famously known for being in character as Abraham Lincoln SIX MONTHS BEFORE SHOOTING LINCOLN. Day-Lewis said that his recent performance in Phantom Thread was his “last performance ever” and that he’s “retiring from acting.” But that could have been him juking us out so we wouldn’t realize that he was about to play his greatest role yet: Kanye West.
My next guess was Denzel Washington. The man is the greatest actor alive. He could easily pull off this brilliant performance in his sleep. The only problem is, he’s currently performing in a production of The Iceman Cometh on Broadway, so he’s far too busy to be running around this bitch in a Kanye disguise every day. So we can rule him out.
It could be Sacha Baron Cohen, the comedic actor behind Borat and Bruno. Is this his new goofy character? Is he about to follow up Borat and Bruno with Kanye, the dopest comedy movie of 2019? It adds up.
But all those theories pale in comparison to the most realistic theory. The Kanye from last month is either Jim Carrey, Andy Kaufman, or both.
Allow me to explain.
Back in 1999, Carrey played legendary comedian Andy Kaufman in the film Man on the Moon. Last year, a behind-the-scenes documentary about Man on the Moon was released to Netflix called Jim & Andy.
The documentary shows that Carrey stayed in character for months, terrorizing crew members with Kaufman-esque antics in between takes. It’s not far-fetched to believe that Kanye saw that documentary and decided to pay Carrey to play Kaufman playing Kanye. Multiple layers of characters, like an acting Inception. Jim Carrey hasn’t acted in years, so is this Kanye performance him making his big comeback?
But then I realized it’s more complex than that.
Kaufman was a known prankster and performance artist, and fans believe that he faked his death back in 1984. The circumstances of his death are somewhat suspicious, and he once told his best friend and collaborator Bob Zmuda that he wanted to fake his death one day.
I think Kaufman faked his death, then started playing Jim Carrey, then started playing Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman. So what’s his next act?
Kanye West is Andy Kaufman playing Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman playing Kanye West.
Kanye is paying Kaufman to play him for a few months to garner attention and build anticipation for his upcoming album. Honestly, it’s brilliant.
This is the greatest piece of performance art the world will ever see. If Andy doesn’t win an Oscar for this I will burn Hollywood to the ground.
That's my theory, and I’m sticking to it. It’s pretty simple when you think about it.
Editor's Note: The inspiration behind this piece came from Twitter user Snowcone, whose own (way more plausible) Kanye conspiracy thread went viral on Wednesday.