People Who Say "I Only Listen to Real Hip-Hop" Are the Worst

If you’re a hip-hop fan, treat rap like your teenage son.
Young Thug, 2018

Young Thug performing at JMBLYA in Houston, Texas.

If you listen to three Young Thug songs in a row, a 40-year-old white guy will burst through your wall and angrily lecture you about “REAL hip-hop.”

Rap snobs aren't only the worst people on Twitter, they are the worst people in the world, right behind serial killers and adults who do karaoke sober. They'll make comments like “If 2pac and Biggie were still alive, Lil Wayne would be working at McDonald's,” hoping no one realizes they stole that from a meme they saw in 2012.

They’re the type of dudes who complain about how rappers nowadays are too feminine and sensitive. They’ll say how they miss when rappers were “real gangsters,” even though they’re a schlubby white fellow who went to private school and works at Office Depot. They’re the type of dudes who say, “Fuck Drake! He uses ghostwriters! Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go listen to Eazy-E.”

The old heads who complain about their hatred for modern rap are the new version of suburban moms in the 50s complaining about “that dang rock and roll!” Look, you don’t sound like an intellectual; you sound out-of-touch and pompous. Go sit next to your telegraph machine and talk about how a loaf of bread used to cost a nickel.

To be fair, there a lot of young rap snobs, too. People in their teens and 20s who talk about how modern rap sucks. There’s nothing more annoying than a 14-year-old who complains about how he misses 2Pac even though he can’t name five 2Pac songs.

“Rap sucks now, I miss 2Pac.”

“Oh yeah? Name five 2pac songs.”

“'California Love,' 'Dear Mama'......Ummm........ 'Straight Outta Compton'.......... '99 Problems'............. 'Yellow Submarine'?”

Young rap snobs are traitors, like rabbis with swastika tattoos.

In fact, "real" hip-hop snobbery is what almost ruined J. Cole's music for me. I think Cole is one of the greatest rappers alive. But his fans are so annoying that they make me wanna burn a vinyl of 2014 Forest Hills Drive on live TV just to upset them. They talk about how Cole makes “real” music, and how you can only enjoy his music “if you’re a deep thinker with a high level of intelligents.”

I know what you’re thinking right now. I can even see you drafting your angry comments, like “Screw you, Drew! You’re a suburban nerd who loved Eminem’s Revival album and owns three copies of the Shrek soundtrack!” And to that, I say, “You make some valid points but stop stalking my articles, Dad.”

If you’re a hip-hop fan, treat rap like your teenage son. He’s gonna go through some weird phases, and he’s gonna piss you off sometimes. But at the end of that day, all you can do is love him unconditionally and beat his ass if you ever catch him watching anime.

At the end of the day, it’s pretentious to present yourself as an authority who dictates what is and isn’t “real hip-hop.” No matter how much you hate a certain piece of music, you shouldn’t ever look at something and say “this isn’t real hip-hop.”

Except for Kevin Federline’s 2006 rap album. I mean, we have to draw the line somewhere.