Imagine the following scenario:
Iconic slasher villain Michael Myers is about to carve up his next victim. But right before he does it, BUSTA RHYMES BUSTS THROUGH THE DOOR. With a badass demeanor, Busta delivers the legendary line “Hey Michael... Trick or treat, motherfucker!” He then proceeds to beat Myers with a shovel and set him on fire.
Sounds too good to be true, right? Sounds way too perfect and beautiful to even imagine, right? Well, you don't have to imagine it because you can watch that exact situation right here:
Busta Rhymes is rightfully considered a hip-hop legend. But his musical accomplishments cast an unfair shadow over his cinematic accomplishments. Mainly, Halloween: Resurrection, the 2002 horror flick that needs to be seen to be believed.
I’m a huge horror movie buff and a massive fan of the Halloween franchise. Since the new one just hit theaters (and it's pretty fuckin' awesome), it's time to take a moment and reflect on the series. There’s a zillion Halloween movies, some of them masterpieces, and some of them dumpster fires. Halloween: Resurrection stands out among the crowd as the most entertaining one. Because it’s an absolute disaster.
But Halloween: Resurrection is no normal bad movie. It's gloriously, beautifully bad. It's bad in a way that’s poetic. It's bad in a way that uplifts your soul and cleanses your spirit.
It’s so aggressively bad that it may very well be the greatest movie of all time.
Some movies are so bad they’re good. The Room and Troll 2 are perfect examples. Halloween: Resurrection is too. It’s the type of movie you watch with a group of friends (probably inebriated) and bask in its corny glory.
At the heart of this film is Busta Rhymes himself. He plays an aspiring media mogul who’s producing a new reality web series. A few lucky contestants have to live in the creepy childhood home of infamous serial killer Michael Myers. They’re all wearing portable cameras to live-stream the eerie experience. It has dated messages about the dangers of the internet or the shallowness of reality TV or some shit like that.
But none of that matters.
All that matters is that this film has Busta Rhymes doing karate.
Have you ever wanted to watch a rapper fight Michael Myers using the art of kung fu? Fast forward to 0:52 in this video. You're welcome.
In case you’re too stubborn to press play, this video has Busta jumping high in the air and hitting Michael Myers with karate kicks while screaming “HIIII-YA!” in a cartoonishly high voice every time he does it.
How the fuck did this not win EVERY Oscar?
It’s physically impossible to frown while watching this scene. It’s impossible to witness it and not feel anything but pure, childlike joy. I dare you to not buy 27 copies of this movie right now.
That's the beauty of Halloween: Resurrection. It’s cinematic Zoloft. Its tangible proof of how wonderful the world is. How can you ever be depressed when a Halloween movie with Busta Rhymes doing kung fu exists?
In a cynical youth culture that’s grown to love irony more than sincerity, it’s baffling that Halloween: Resurrection is such an obscure, buried gem. This movie should statistically be the most popular film on Earth. Its DNA should bleed into every crevice of our pop culture canon. Churches should screen it. Students should study it. Whoever directed it shouldn't have to pay taxes.
Take this other scene for your consideration.
Busta’s character is dressed up like Michael Myers to prank his reality show contestants. The real Michael Myers creeps up behind him. Busta thinks its just his co-worker wearing a Myers mask and proceeds to scream “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE” for a full minute.
I know it doesn't sound interesting on paper, but just watch the video. There’s something about watching Busta shout “SCOOT! SKIDADDLE!” at Michael Myers that’s the funniest goddamn thing I've ever seen.
If I still haven't convinced you that Halloween: Resurrection is a gift from God, here a few other real lines of dialogue from the film.
- “Michael Myers is a killer shark in baggy-ass overalls.”
- “You want some of this? You want to try and kill me? Do you like sushi, motherfucker?”
- “Looking a little crispy over there, Mikey, like a fried chicken motherfucker. May he never, ever rest in peace.”
If Busta Rhymes ever met a genie, his wish would probably be to scrub this movie out of existence. If Busta ever has beef with another rapper they can just mention this movie and they’ll automatically win.
But I'm glad this ridiculously campy, hilarious midnight movie exists. In a climactic argument in the third act of the movie, Busta says, “I was just trying to give America a great show.” Luckily, he did.
Happy Halloween, motherfucker.
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