Kid Cudi: "I Was Really Good at Keeping My Troubles Hidden"

"I was ashamed."
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We’ve not been strangers to Kid Cudi’s battles with his demons, as the artist has not been a stranger to fighting off mental illness. What are new, however, are the health avenues Cudi is taking to better himself and heal. In a new episode of Red Table Talk, Cudi detailed the unhealthy ways—he turned to cocaine to get him through his mental lows, but people around him were none the wiser—in which he coped with and hid his mental illness.

“I was really good at keeping my troubles hidden,” Cudi began, attesting that he did not do drugs with anyone while he was coping with his mental illness. “I really went out my way to keep what I was going through hidden because I was ashamed. I think that's why I quit [drugs], the first time because I got arrested. Then everybody knew about it. But I didn't quit for the right reasons. I didn't quit because it wasn't good for me.

“I was really worried, and I kinda, like, had that moment, where I was just like, 'Do I really wanna get back on drugs and do cocaine again? Do I really wanna go back on this journey, at 32?' I woke up one morning, and I was just thinking, like, 'Man, this isn't healthy. And I don't know what else to do, but get some help and find some place I can go.'”

Shame can be a killer. In the case of Kid Cudi, his addiction and depression were fueling each other and ultimately fueled by shame. His quitting drugs only because he was exposed as a user speaks volumes of the stigma still attached to mental health treatment. By opening up about his story, Cudi does the important work of de-stigmatizing mental health treatments. Shame should not be the reason those who need help slip into addictions and allow their illnesses to fester.

Kudos to Cudi for finally reckoning with himself and realizing that he cannot live life in hiding and as a cocaine addict, that he has the tools available to make himself better. There is no wrong time to begin your recovery. There are no prerequisites to seeking out a rehabilitation center, therapy, or medication. 

As Kid Cudi shows us, the best time to get help is immediately.