What you are about to read will shock you, but the truth is rarely pretty. In the history of journalism, we’ve seen few moments as massive as this.
Before we delve deep into the dark details, let’s back up for a minute.
Last week, while riding around with my friend Erik, I grabbed the aux cord and pressed play on Juice WRLD’s new album Death Race For Love. Immediately, Erik asked, “Is this a new Post Malone song?” At first, I was baffled by his question—of course it wasn’t Post Malone. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized… wait!
The first time I heard a Juice WRLD song, I, too, thought that I was listening to Post Malone. Suddenly, I felt uneasy.
This could be a coincidence. Or it could be something far deeper and, dare I say... Sinister.
To be clear, this is not a knock on either artist. I love ‘em both. But it’s time to finally ask the question that the rest of America is too afraid to ask: Are Post Malone and Juice WRLD the same person?
I don’t wanna jump to conclusions or offer our readers any definitive answers. But yes.
Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the main pieces of evidence.
CLUE #1: POST MALONE & JUICE WRLD HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER
Much like we’ve never seen Bruce Wayne in the same room as Batman or Donald Trump in the same room as Satan, we’ve never seen Posty and Mr. WRLD together. You'd think they would have crossed paths at least once at a festival or an awards show, but I can’t find any documentation on Instagram—which means it hasn’t happened.
CLUE #2: THEIR MUSIC SOUNDS SUSPICIOUSLY SIMILAR
Post Malone and Juice WRLD have similar voices, but it’s not uncommon for two different dudes to have the same voice (see: Ray Romano and Kermit The Frog). But their music sounds the same, too. Both Beerbongs & Bentleys and Death Race For Love cover similar topics—heartbreak and depression—and feature countless Sadboi Bangers. It’s almost as if... they’ve lived the same life? I know you’re thinking, “Drew, heartbreak and sadness are universal topics, this means nothing.” And to that I say: shut the fuck up.
CLUE #3: JUICE WRLD IS BECOMING A MAINSTREAM STAR JUST AS POST MALONE IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE POLARIZING
Post Malone is one of the most divisive artists in recent memory. He has an army of adoring fans but an equally large army of harsh critics. The media consistently rips him a new asshole and hip-hop heads constantly question his respect for the culture they love. Wouldn’t it be interesting if Post Malone got so sick of his haters that he decided to create a... Second identity?
CLUE #4: THEY BOTH HAVE MULTIPLE HOLES IN THEIR STORIES
Post Malone is a suspicious guy. The more you read about his life, the more questions you have. For example, I looked him up on Wikipedia, and, brace yourself… Post Malone isn’t even his real name. His birth name is Austin Post. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Juice WRLD is just as mysterious. Two years ago, the Chicago native claimed he was “18 years old.” But now, he claims he’s “20 years old.” Which one is it, Juice? You can’t seem to get your story straight, can you?
CLUE #5: THEY BOTH REFUSE TO SPEAK TO ME
I’ve gone to hell and back to try to have a simple sit-down with Posty and Juice. I've emailed their publicists and their managers. I’ve sent a carrier pigeon to Post Malone’s house. I’ve DM’d Juice WRLD’s aunt on Instagram. I tried to get into one of Post Malone’s parties with a leather jacket on pretending to be G-Eazy. Nothing has worked. Why are they so hesitant to let me interview them? What are they hiding?
If Post Malone and Juice WRLD are truly two completely separate humans, they could easily appear on TV together to squash the rumors. Yet, they refuse to even acknowledge these accusations.
But they won't be able to dodge this for much longer, the reckoning has come. And if I'm found dead tomorrow, you’ll know why. But you heard it here first, Post Malone and Juice WRLD are the same dude. You can only run from the truth for so long.
Nice try, Illuminati.