The cowards at CNN will ignore this article, but someone had to say it.
It’s only 2019, but chatter about the 2020 United States presidential election is already heating up, and we’re all eager to get Lord Tiny Hands out of the White House and into a swimming pool of sharks.
At present, there’s a colossal cluster of candidates lining up around the block: Bernie, Beto, Buttigieg, Kamala, Elizabeth Warren, The Rock, Kanye, Snooki, Carrot Top, Casper The Friendly Ghost, Smillary Shminton (Hillary Clinton wearing a fake mustache).
So, how do we even begin to narrow down this list?
The debates are a great way to discern what a candidate is really about, but that means we need the perfect moderator if we wanna get it right. You know, someone who asks the tough questions; someone who takes no BS; someone who doesn't fuck around. But who?
Yup, we need Joe Budden.
I don’t give two fucks about your foreign policy, I just wanna know if you can emotionally handle an exchange with Joe Budden.
This is the most natural evolution in Joe’s career—from rapper to podcaster, to one of the most significant political figures of the 21st century.
Budden has become something like rap’s number one sports commentator; he’s the Stephen A. Smith of hip-hop but with a much smaller forehead. Anyone who watched Budden scream at DJ Akademiks like a drunken babysitter during his Everyday Struggle days can attest the man takes no shit.
Tell Anderson Cooper to step aside, because Joe Budden is the man we need to moderate the debates. Budden will get to the heart of the issues. The primary debates will be a verbal barroom brawl of visceral intensity, with Budden sitting at the center of it all.
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Not convinced? What if I told you the producers would make Budden listen to a Lil Pump playlist before the cameras roll to ensure he’s in an irritable and confrontational mood?
Budden would ask Bernie Sanders how he can be an ally to the black community when he’s old enough to remember slavery. He'd ask America’s creepy uncle Joe Biden how he can be diplomatic in foreign affairs when he can’t meet the prime minister of Lithuania without rubbing his shoulders and sniffing his hair. He’d ask Pete Buttigieg how prepared he is for Trump to constantly mention that “Butt” is his name (which you know he will). No softballs.
And we need toughness. We need someone to grill the candidates on old school hip-hop and yell at Beto O’Rourke when he can't name three Big L songs; someone to sternly lecture Cory Booker regarding disturbing allegations he claimed Views is the best Drake album; someone to ask “Who won the G-Eazy and MGK beef?” as a litmus test. (Please note, this is a trick question: if their answer isn't “I don’t care” they will be physically carried off stage.)
Maybe none of this sounds super important for the primaries. And that's because it totally isn't. But once there’s a Democratic candidate and the debates with Donald The Demented Pumpkin go down... Well, that’s when Joe will truly shine. Think about how unstable and short-tempered Trump is, and think about how confrontational Budden is, and now imagine them in the same room.
If there’s anything Trump needs, it's someone to blatantly yell in his face about what a dumpster fire he is; someone to call him out on his lies, bigotry, and his inability to form coherent and complete sentences.
Most members of the media are too hesitant to get deep down in the dirt with The Donald. That ends today. All we need is for Joe to constantly interrupt Trump’s answers by just screaming “TRASH” every 10 seconds.
Budden will finally ask Trump why he didn't have the balls to respond to Eminem’s BET Cypher verse, yelling “especially when he had TRASH BARS like ‘that’s an awfully hot coffee pot.’” Who else would do that? Chris Wallace doesn't have the cajones to confront Trump about his Eminem avoidance, nor the bravery to address Em’s “awfully hot coffee pot” line.
Our next president needs moral integrity, strength, and humility—and there’s nothing more humbling than getting screamed at by Joe Budden.
America is currently in hot water and we are as divided as ever. The 2020 election is an opportunity to bridge the gap. And it’s a time to put every candidate through the wringer so only the best politician will survive unscathed.
You know the man for the job.
Let Joe Budden moderate the 2020 debates, you cowards.