Certain rap songs open with a lyric or line that makes you go, “...wait, what the fuck?” Songs that make you rewind to make sure you heard it right. Like when Goblin era Tyler, The Creator began “Transylvania” with a bar about skinning women with a Buffalo Bill voice, or Childish Gambino kicking off “Backpackers” referring to himself as “Mr. Talk About His Dick Again.”
Without further ado, we have ranked the 10 most jarring opening lyrics in rap history. Some of them are hilarious, some of them are awkward, and some of them are downright goddamn terrifying. At No. 10, we start with a line that makes you do a double-take. By the time we get to No. 1, you‘ll want to turn the song off and nervously pace around your apartment while you try to cope with what you just heard. Proceed with caution.
10. 2pac — “Hit ‘Em Up”
“That’s why I fucked your bitch, you fat motherfucker”
This legendary diss track opens up with this now iconic insult, letting you know IMMEDIATELY that Pac means business. Did Pac actually bang Biggie’s wife? Almost definitely not. But I’ll be damned if this isn’t a hell of a way to start a song. 1996 was a different time, where rap beef was far more intense and had severe consequences outside the booth. The East Coast vs West Coast feud was in full throttle, meaning “Hit ‘Em Up” was a bazooka of an ad-lib. To put in a modern perspective, imagine if Trump said he fucked Bernie’s wife. (You don’t have to, though, he’s gonna say it any day now.)
9. Kanye West — “Famous”
“To all my Southside n****s that know me best, I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous”
Kanye opened “Famous” with a “rewind it back” line that was jarring in the most epic way possible. Gleefully, he burns a bridge he spent years meticulously repairing. Remember, America saw Kanye as the devil himself when he interrupted Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMA’s. Years after repairing the damage, he decides to double down on the most hilarious gaffe of his career. This line is a perfect example of why we loved Kanye. A beautiful display of douchebaggery.
8. Necro — “Your Fuckin Head Split”
“Drinking the bile out ya pancreas the fanciest / Cancerous talkin’ lyricist pack a shank on the hips / You’re a skanky bitch slit ya wrist, clitoris / If you’re inhibited I’ll piss in ya syphilis incubus”
Necro has made a career out of mastering the art of writing lyrics that make you reach for a barf bag. Combing through his discography to find the right line for this article is gonna cost me a fortune in therapy bills. The most jarring part is how smooth this sounds when you hear it. The rhyming is so perfect and syrupy. That silky string of words just flows together so beautifully, even though the words themselves are grosser than a Waffle House bathroom.
7. Macklemore — “Same Love”
“When I was in the third grade... I thought that I was gay”
This line is different from the other lines in the list in that it’s not gross, shocking, or offensive... It’s just kind of hilarious. I don’t know why, but it is. This was an (important and necessary) radio ballad for LGBTQ rights, but Macklemore had to make sure the listener knew that he, himself, is NOT gay. He just briefly thought he was at age nine, but then quickly remembered how much he loves pussy.
6. Immortal Technique — “Internally Bleeding”
“Ayo the things I’ve seen in life will make you choke by surprise / Like an aborted fetus in a jar that opened its eyes”
Let’s rewind to 2008, and take a look at the 14-year-old Drew Landry. He was a pretentious, suburban white kid who loved rap but constantly patted himself on the back for listening to “real hip-hop.” In an attempt to impress his first girlfriend, he bumped Immortal Technique to flaunt his intelligence. He made the mistake of playing “Internally Bleeding,” and he never saw her again.
5. DMX — “Bring Your Whole Crew”
“I got blood on my hands and there’s no remorse / I got blood on my dick ‘cause I fucked a corpse”
X spits this line with so much casual confidence that it makes you wonder... Is this just a bar or did DMX actually just sleep with a corpse mere moments before stepping into the recording booth? We don’t know. We’ll never know. And by God, we don’t wanna know.
4. Eminem — “Insane”
“I was born with a dick in my brain, yeah fucked in the head / My stepfather said that I sucked in the bed”
There are hundreds of Eminem examples I could have selected here. Hell, the hardest part of writing this article was choosing just ONE Eminem bar. But this one takes the cake. To make my selection, I looked at the Relapse tracklist and played eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
3. Tyler, The Creator — “Fish”
“Slip it in her drink, and in the blink of an eye I can make a white girl look ch*nk”
Guys... I’m gonna get canceled just for quoting this.
2. Lil Wayne — “Wain On Me” (“Wetter”)
“Wide receiver Weezy, throw the pussy at me / The pussy lips smiling, I made the pussy happy”
I love Lil Wayne, he’s one of my all-time favorites... But words cannot express how much I hate this line. My day is ruined just by typing it out. YOUR day is ruined just from reading it. No one wins with this line. Everything about it is upsetting. It is not a lyric, it is a war crime.
1. The Notorious B.I.G. — “Me & My Bitch”
“When I met ya, I admit my first thought was to trick / You look so good, I’ll suck on your daddy’s dick”
This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The Holy Grail of jarring lines to open a rap record. The line so monumentally bizarre and baffling, rappers have chased it for decades, yet all have paled in comparison. Sure, true fans of hip-hop (or stand-up) know that this line is a reference to an old Richard Pryor bit, but still.
“Me & My Bitch” is one of hip-hop’s greatest love songs, but can you think of ANYTHING less romantic than this line? Imagine giving your girl a Valentine’s Day card that said, You look so good, I’ll suck on your daddy’s dick. Imagine including this line in your big speech when you propose to your girl at a fancy restaurant. How did Biggie’s team let this line happen? Where the hell was Diddy?! How did Ready To Die, probably one of the five greatest rap albums of all time, let a line like this slip through the cracks, and no one prevented it? Opening lines do not get more jarring than this. Legendary.