You know, there might not be a person in the music industry I hate more than Chris Brown. My “hate” for most artists usually stems from their music, but this one is different. I hate Brown so much more as a person than an artist. Most artists earn my hate with recycled trap beats and endless Auto-tune, but Brown earned it by being the biggest douchebag alive. He’s so overwhelmingly unpleasant, it makes me hate myself for ever liking his music; it’s hard to dance along to “Kiss Kiss” when you feel guilty. To be fair, it’s also hard because I can’t dance…but mainly it’s because he’s a jerk.
All of which means that I am supremely qualified to write a “Haterz Love” list on Breezy. If a song can penetrate my hate fortress, there’s got to be something to it. So without further ado, here are five Chris Brown songs even the haters love…despite our best efforts not to.
What’s better than Drake, T.I., Andre, Kanye, and (I guess) Fabolous on one track? When they replace Tyga and, for the most part, Chris Brown. Just a little bit of Chris Brown at the end is enough to rap up the song nicely, but not too much where I have to remember how much I hate him. The original is pretty boring, but this remix is absolutely insane. He may not have had a lot to say on the remix, but this is easily one of Brown’s best songs.
Brown and T-Pain aren’t exactly fan favorites, but there is no denying they are two of the best hook-makers of the last decade, so, when they get together, it’s almost impossible to resist. This song is beyond catchy and Brown’s energy is off the charts. You know what? Fuck it, I lied, I have no remorse for liking this song; it’s too damn good.
Also, breaking news, Chris Brown can dance.
Remix Chris Brown is so much better than normal Chris Brown, who has more of a role on this record than on the “Dueces” redeux, but it all works out because he kills it. Lil Wayne is known for murdering dudes on remixes, but Breezy outshines him here and doesn’t even rap; it takes a special effort for a singer to murder a rapper. In fact, CB is so good, he isn’t even the most hateable part of this song. That award goes to Juelz Santana; his verse is all the average.
Anyway, the moral of this story is, if you want a certifiable banger, remix a Chris Brown song.
“Ugh. It hurts my soul. Hate it. Can’t stand it. Awful. Turn that shit off” is what I’ll tell you if you ask me about this song on the street (just don’t look at my iPhone which is most likely playing this song). Here on the internet, though, I fully admit to my undying love of “Loyal.” As I said earlier, it’s usually about the person and not the music, but with “Loyal,” it’s about as ostentatious and ignorant as Brown himself, and yet I still listen. Catchy trap beat, elementary, sexist lyrics, and Tyga. I should hate it even without Brown’s presence, but I just can’t. It’s too catchy. Damn you, Chris, damn you.
I much prefer hip-hop to R&B, especially when it’s radio-friendly R&B, hence why most of these are the rappity-rap side of Breezy. I think his voice is much better suited for a banger as opposed to a sultry R&B cut. He gets classified as an R&B artist, but what’s his biggest R&B-oriented hit? “Forever”? “No Air”? Both are pretty boring if you ask me. However, “Yo” is low-key, cool; it’s as smooth as his baby face. That first album was full of bangers, none more impressive, musically, than this one. “Run It” was obviously the biggest hit, but this is infinitely more substantive. Actually one of my favorites off the album.
I wish I could say this was a miserable article to write, but sadly, it was fun to take a listen to his library. Whether I love him hate him or hate him, Brown has a serious (and ever-growing) resume. How we justify listening to him, or writing articles like this and his truly awful existence as a human being? That’s a more important article for a different time…
[Lucas Garrison is a writer for DJBooth.net. His favorite album is “College Dropout”, but you can also tweet him your favorite Migos songs at @LucasDJBooth.]