You think your boss is bad? Hah. Sure they may give you shit, make you laugh at their terrible jokes or make you come in on a Sunday, but at least they don't make you listen to the new Migos tape. Nathan (
) thought that my gut reactions to the new Migos tape,
, would make for a funny peice, especially since he was the one who didn't have to listen to it. At first I was on board--getting to shit on Migos is fun and easy--but I soon realized I got more than I bargained for. Here are my gut reactions to each track on the new Migos tape.
1.) "No Label Intro"
For as annoying as Migos can be, DJ Plugg is infinitely worse. Whenever he screams I want to die. I don't know a lot about ATL's hip-hop scene but I'm pretty sure there were street emcees in Hotlanta before Migos; also, who is trying to sound like Migos? It is a good strategy though, get someone who is more annoying than you so you sound good in comparison. Also, what is that squeaky, little "Ohhhh" sample from?
Guy sounds Rick Ross with peanut butter on the roof of his mouth. Really like his problem solving skills though "which one of my chains should I put on today? All of em".
This is essentially "Versace" but instead of screaming Versace over and over, they scream "Contraband". I'll give em credit though, that Mortal Combat Jack line was pretty good. Who new Migos was into portmanteaus?
4.)"Add It Up"
This is essentially "Contraband" (which is essentially "Versace") but instead of yelling "contraband" they repeat "add it up" at nauseam. Gotta admit though, their ad-libs are fucking awesome.
5.) Peek A Boo
Picacho!!!!! A Young Thug reference in a Migos song?!?!?!?!? Trap game inception. Also investigate like "Blues Clues" got me good but mainly,
Is this tape almost over? Oh, still got 19 songs left? Cool.
I actually made it through this song without having to take a break so that's good right? To be fair, this beat is kinda hot. Of all the songs they have, this sounds most like an actual song. I might have to get Nathan to do a look at how much Migos is worth, they act like they are as rich as Jay Z but there is just no way they make a lot of money; certainly not millions.
"Remember back then watching Oprah. Now I'm on the sofa with Oprah". Just imagine Migos on Oprah. Almost as good as Migos on Ellen. I hate this song, but I'd be lying if I said I hated the hook.
That hook doe; I am literally cracking up. I could listen to a loop of that for 12
minutes. At the risk of sounding like a white kid from the suburbs (which I totally am) what are M&M's? They obviously aren't talking about the candy, so what are they? Urban Dictionary failed me and now I'm at a loss. I wish I could have recorded my face at the 2:47 mark. You know when it's relatively calm and then someone starts talking really loud and fast shouting at you and you are totally overhwhlemed; that's what happened here.
10.) "Fight Night"
I'll hand it to 'em, ever so often, the have a pretty cool beat; this is my favorite so far. The fact that they didn't include a Mike Tyson Punch Out reference is deplorable; thoroughly disappointed
11.) "Handsome & Wealthy"
Honestly, though, how t\do people listen to this and only this. My head hurts, my brain is melting, I think my ears are bleeding but my vision is too blurry to tell. This is fucking brutal.
No lie, I had to take a break. My head legitimately hurts.
Someone needs to make a fake music video to this song. This song + a montage Planet Earth bird shots= internet gold.
P.S.- "Charles Bark-e-lee"
Aside from a timely Boosie reference, nothing about this track is different from the 12 others. Honestly, I don't know how I am going to get through 12 more songs. I am already at wit's end. I keep trying to think of something new and different to say but literally every song is interchangeable. This might be the hardest piece I have ever had to write.
14.) "No Fucking Wit"
I don't know if it's me being sick of them or not, but each song is worse than the last. At this point, I want to punch my computer screen. Maybe "No Fuckin Wit" is bad maybe, it's me (or maybe a little of both), but "No Fuckin Wit" is far and away the worst song I have ever heard. I'd rather listen to "
" 600 times than this song twice. This is absolutely unbearable.
15.) "Freak No More"
It sounds like each rapper was rapping to a different beat and then took all three and put them on this beat.
16.) "Hot Boy"
This makes "Freak No More" sound like "Stairway To Heaven". I'm really not having fun anymore. This seemed like such a fun, cool idea but I am really regretting it. I would rather write 1,500 words on anything else, than do this; it would be easier. I don't know which one it is, nor do I care, but that one guy who screams is the absolute worst.
17.) "Body Parts"
Migos has literally ruined my day and put me in a bad mood; I just got mad because my roommates dog barked. This has to end or I might kill someone. I don't even want to try and be clever or make jokes. I just want this to end. I guess I should talk about the music some. "Body Parts" is the exact same as every other song, there, happy?
Gee, I wonder what this song could be about...
19.) "Emmit Smith"
I was curious about this song, as I love songs named after famous athletes, so maybe I would dig it. Actually, it's the worst song on the tape (so far). I feel like I'm gonna have a seizure or get whiplash, I can't take the drastic, stabbing changes in their pitch and voice much longer. Even in my grouchy state I can appreciate "I just touchdowned on the pussy".
20.) "Built Like Me"
5 songs left...can I make it? I'm pausing every 10-15 seconds, I really can't take this.
I don't know how many different times i can say something sucks and still be creative, so I'm just gonna stop now. This sucks. Stop screaming at me, I can hear you fine.
This sucks too. I'm a little disappointed I haven't heard from DJ Plugg in a while. I miss him so.
23.) "Where Were You?"
24.) "Just Wait On It"
Remember when I asked why there are so songs on this mixtape? That was 11 songs ago. 24 is definitely too many.
24.) "Young Rich N*ggas"
Oh Migos likes money? I couldn't have guessed by every other bar in every other song; in other news, water is wet. Thank god I'm done or I might die. I'm pretty sure the only reason this song is even remotely tolerable is because of the "
" sample. If I close my eyes and try really really hard, I can almost tune out Migos and hear Bizzy instead. That's the best part of this song.
I made it! I'm sweaty, crying, leaking blood, and cranky, but I made it; I feel like I just gave birth. Actually, child birth would be much less painful. I know why it's called
No Label II
because no label in the history of ever would ever want to sign them. Look, if you want to pretend like you actually like Migos go ahead, but I know you are lying. If you want to like it because it is so bad it's good, fine, be as ironic as you want, but the people who claim that they legitimately like this are straight up lying. There is no way this can be considered "good".
I am really not trying to be an elitist backpacker or anything. I am generally open-minded and non-judgemental when it comes to music, but this crosses the line. With guys like Rick Ross and Future, I can see how people could like them but nothing about Migos makes me say "yeah, I can see it". This mixtape and Migos in general is a disaster and a half. Call me a hater or whatever, Migos fucking sucks; I didn't need a whole mixtape to know that, but now I know for sure. Long story short: