Listen, it's Friday, we get it. Nobody really wants to do anything that involves using your brain. So "Best/Worst" will provide you with both the biggest Fails and the most awesome awesomeness, as well as some of the best (and worst) music of the week. It's a whole lot of everything.
Oh, in case you didn't know, FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!! FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!!!! I repeat...FOOTBALL! IS! BACK! To celebrate sitting on your ass eating pizza, drinking beer, cursing, and cheering for your fantasy players, we are dedicating this week's rundown to the single greatest sport ever created. Welcome to your all NFL Best/Worst.
Now let's get started...
Best Of The Week:
It must be amazing to be a pro athlete: Millions of dollars, millions of fans, and god given athletic ability. I guess it's not all good. For as many fans as you have, you likely have seven thousand million people who despise you. Case in point, an old standby - athletes reading mean tweets. Somehow seeing Dez call himself a baby back bitch will make it easier when he scores give touchdowns against my Redskins this year.
Athletes, they have feelings too, but who cares if they are not on your team?
The Most Important Practice Squad Player (Not Michael Sam)
Even if you don' like football, you know who Michael Sam is. He is easily the most popular yet least accomplished NFL player since Tebow, yes even more than Johnny Football. Don't get me wrong, the first openly gay player in the NFL is a big step, but when ESPN is reporting on when he showers, I think it's time to move on. Let it go ESPN, you are the only one who still cares that he is gay. While he is the most popular practice squad player, there is another practice quad signee whose story is just as captivating.
Everybody meet Devon Still. Literally fighting for your job is stressful enough, but it's even more stressful when your 4-year-old daughter has cancer. Though Devon didn't make the final 53-man roster, the Bengals kept him on their practice squad so that he could continue to keep his health insurance which was paying for his daughter's treatment.
As you'll see below the NFL isn't always the most ethical or fair industry. For all the bad, it's great to see that some organizations still know what matters. Instead of cutting him and being done with it, the Bengals are giving up an important roster spot, one of few, and a paycheck to do the right thing and ensure this girl gets health care. This time of year, nothing seems more important than football, but it's this kind of thing that puts your fantasy team in perspective.
Best Music Of The Week:
It's not an NFL season without some Sam Spence.
Worst Of The Week
Food For Thought:
This one isn't so much the article itself, in fact, the article is absolutely exceptional. This is more about what the following article spotlights. I get that the NFL is a business, but at what point do you say enough is enough? Players beating their wives and only getting suspended two games, owners getting a slap on the wrist when they should be treated just like the players, concussions, teams with racist names and still we all tune in every week like mindless sheep. Look how excited I am.
Well, Matt Ufford says it mote eloquently than I can on his sbnation.com article.
And yet despite the NFL's success, or perhaps because of it, Goodell & Co. are looking to change an essentially perfect sporting model (ignoring, of course, the horrifying concussion rate and despicable labor standards), watering down the product to wring more money out of it. An 18-game season. A seventh playoff team. A team in fucking London, as if time zones didn't exist and jet lag didn't negatively impact physical performance. Each of those proposed changes has been calculated to bring X more dollars to the league, where X equals obscenely more money than you'll make in a lifetime. None of those changes were floated after speaking to fans, the people who love the sport in its present state.
We're a given: not people, but revenue. The NFL, which I love and endorse the way a man dying of lung cancer can want a Marlboro, is forever seeking new climes of naked rapaciousness, a multi-billion-dollar capitalist machine that will happily lock out its players or referees -- its employees, the people who make the product we love -- in order to rake in a larger piece of the pie for oligarchs too fat to ever eat it.
Shit. He's right...and it's kind of terrifying. With most heartless, soul-sucking corporations, you can boycott and find alternative products. There is no other NFL. If we consumers wanted to make a stand we could all not watch the NFL and all not go to games, but who the fuck wants to do that? I'm a slave to the NFL. No matter what they do or how unethically they do it, I will always come back for more. Just some food for thought as you sit down for this weekend's games.
Madden is Madden-ing
There was a long time when I was Madden fanatic; epic fantasy drafts with my roommates, going at midnight to get it, fights with my brother over a bullshit play, I have done it all. In the past few years however, my Madden fandom has dwindled and I don't even bother any more. For a while I thought it was because I was getting older, but I think it's more because they have gotten worse and worse. Madden 15 dropped a few ago and sense, it has been the source of internet mockery several times.
Breaking Madden...the dude literally broke the inner fabric of the game.
Xbox $500. Madden $60. They frustration of still dealing with problems that sound like they are from a Nintendo game? Priceless. Seriously, this is 2014, you can talk to your motherfucking gaming console that you shelled out a zillion dollars for and still, EA makes a sub-par product full of issues. If I am paying this much for a game, I would want it to, you know, work. This is a woefully inferior product. The Cleveland Browns of the Madden franchise.
Worst Music Of The Week:
Running along with the Madden theme, this makes me want to carve out my ear drums with a melon baller. And on that positive note, have a great, football filled weekend DJBooth Nation!
[Lucas Garrison is a writer for DJBooth.net. His favorite album is “College Dropout,” but you can also tweet him your favorite Migos songs at @LucasDJBooth.]