God, I'm so sorry. I've let you all down. I'm ashamed.
It's been far, far too long since I last penned a "Rap Lines That Make No Fucking Sense," and I don't even really have a good excuse. They're relatively easy, fun as fuck to write, people like them, I just....I've failed you DJBooth Nation. But instead of just apologizing, I'm going to take action. Behold, the comeback edition!
As always, we're not just talking about rap lines that are particularly bad, we're talking about lines that have some fundamental flaw, some logical inconsistency. Or, to put it more bluntly, they make no fucking sense. Get it? Got it? Good. You've waited long enough, let's get to it.
Kurupt "The Purge"
"Ghetto tribalist, squeezing pussy like octopuses"
[Scene: I'm in bed with a girl, her head on my chest. She moves closer and I begin to whisper in her ear.]
Me: "Baby, you want me to squeeze your pussy?"
Girl: "Um....I guess."
Me: "Yeah, I'm gonna squeeze it like octopuses."
Girl (startled): "Wait, what does that mean? Like, you're going to squeeze my pussy in the same manner that an octopus squeezes things? Or you're going to squeeze my pussy like you would squeeze an octopus? Either way, that sounds weird. Maybe I should just go home." [She gets off the bed, begins to put on her clothes.]
Me: "No, wait! It's just...this thing I heard Kurupt say in a rap song one time and it sounded cool!"
[Sound of door slamming shut, she's gone. End scene.]
RapGenius seems to think it's a James Bond Octopussy reference, but that still doesn't really make sense - if so, why didn't he just say "squeezing pussy like Octopussy? And what would squeezing pussy like Octopussy even mean? In the movie, Octopussy was mostly just squeezing Roger Moore's wang, which is the exact opposite of squeezing a pussy. And no, I don't have enough time to argue with someone on RapGenius about this.
Lil Wayne - "Goulish"
"Fuck Pusha T and anybody that love him / His head up his ass, I'mma have to head butt him"
Remember when people were scared of Lil Wayne on the mic? Those days are over. Here's Pusha T hearing Weezy's "diss" for the first time. Or maybe it was more like this. Or this. You get the point.
In terms of the specific line, do I really need to point out that if Pusha's head is up his ass, and Lil Wayne head butts him, that means Wayne's head is also in Pusha's ass, which on the whole I would actually consider a victory for Push. Who really lost, the guy with his own head up his ass, or the guy who willingly put his head up another man's ass? Exactly.
Logical thoughts and Lil Wayne have always gone together like kale salads and Rick Ross though. This is just par for the course as far as Weezy F. "And the F if for these rap lines make no Fucking sense" Baby.
Lil Wayne "Only"
"I'm talkin' bout runnin' in houses with army guns / So think about, your son and daughter rooms / Got two hoes with me, messed up, they got smaller guns / Ain't thinkin' bout your son and daughter rooms."
Don't get it twisted, if you mess with Lil Wayne he's going to run into your house with some big ass guns. Think about that, Weezy with an AK standing in your daughter's room. Still want to mess with him? I didn't think so. Wait, no, I'm now getting word that he's not even thinking about your son and daughter's rooms. He's now decided that'd be kind of messed up. He went too far, he apologizes. So forget that, but still, you probably don't want him in your kitchen, or your laundy room, definitley not your foyer.
I don't want this whole thing to turn into an all-Weezy edition, I've already done that, but so little of what he says makes sense I couldn't resist two in a row. That's all for today though, I promise.
J. Cole "Dollar & a Dream III"
"I let you feel like the shit, but boy you can't out fart me."
Uh....I just.....I mean...ok then.
I guess this is why Cole never really responded to Kendrick's "Control" verse. He was like, "Yeah, the dude called me out on the mic, but I think we all know who would win a farting contest. That's right, me. Hands down. So who's really in control of the rap game? That's right again, me, your boy, J. Cole, the greatest farting rapper alive."
Alright folks, that's enough fucking nonsense for today, but never fear. I promise I won't leave y'all hanging for months again before I do this again. Sweet baby Jesus knows it's not like rappers are going to ever make sense all the time. Amen.
[Nathan S. is the managing editor of The DJBooth and a hip-hop writer. He also occasionally talks in podcast form and appears on RevoltTV. His beard is awesome. This is his Twitter.]