Perhaps no rapper has eluded "
" more than
. On the surface Jody Highroller would seem to be the perfect candidate for a series about lyricism gone astray, but if you force yourself to actually look closely at his lyrics, you'll find that they either do make sense in a weird, convoluted way, or make so little sense they're essentially gibberish.
But as hard as it may be, I felt like it was my duty as the creator of "Rap Lines That Make No F**king Sense" to tackle the Riff Raff dilemma head on, starting with his most watched video (as a member of Three Loco), "
For simplicity's sake
So I can maintain some semblance of sanity I'm only focusing on Riff Raff's verse here, although I could obviously spend some time on Dirt Nasty and Andy Milonakis as well. Ok, let's do the damn thing. (Fair warning, really breaking down something like "Neato" might be one of those "now that I've seen it I can never go back" things, like seeing a dead body or your parent's fucking. Proceed at your own risk.)
"Case closed, never seen before
Blow it up, C4, hide the Benz by the sea shore"
C4 is an explosive, I got you there. As for the rest...so...whatever this case is, no one's ever seen it before? Then how was it closed? I assume Riff Raff really meant seen "again". But on second thought, "again" doesn't rhyme with "sea shore", and if he didn't include "sea shore", then he wouldn't have been able to rap about where he hides his Benz. Which would have been fucking unacceptable.
"About to pay some 10-cent casino
Next year, I'm in the movies. (Quentin) Tarantino"
A lot of debate about this line on the interwebs. Some claim he's actually saying, "all about the pesos, ten cent casino", some claim he's saying "all about the pesos, 10 second c-note", still others claim that Riff Raff's clearly suffered some sort of brain damage. Regardless, any iteration of that line doesn't make sense. Although, you have to hand it to the man, he is in the movies (
"I'm in the Costa Rica, pizza Totino
You got a low self-esteem? You can rent my ego"
Classic Riff Raff line, it's
close to making sense, but it's just a little bit off. Is there a difference between Costa Rica and
Costa Rica? Because if not sure, the man's in Costa Rica
. That's really the best thing you can do in Costa Rica, especially if you've ingested enough drugs to make
seem like a good idea.
"Yeah, neato. I beat up the block like Steven Seagal
Pour a Four in a Pellegrino, driving backwards through Reno"
I'm a fan of
, bonus points there. Moving on...I don't know why anyone would drive backwards through Reno, but it's not impossible. How far is he driving backwards? Reversing out of parking spot? Because that's totally normal. But if he's just driving for miles around Reno in reverse, he's probably going to be arrested. Especially if he's pouring...what I assume is a Four Loko into a
bottle, which might explain the backwards driving. Let's just move on.
"Pointy sided Doritos, go 'head, shoot the free-throw
I pull up at the casino, candy Cheeto steamboat"
Why yes, Doritos are pointy. What keen powers of observation you have. I'm not sure how that's connected to free throw shooting, but sure, that's a thing too.
And I'm going to assume that "steamboat" is a slang term for a car of some sort, although it'd be fucking awesome if he did pull up to a casino in
. Frankly that'd be the most baller shit of all-time. *Adds "pull up to anything in a steamboat" to bucket list*
"Desert Eagle (Desert Eagle), flash the Buick Regal
I pull up on you people, buttercream Beetle"
Essentially just a flip of the steamboat section. You have to imagine that he's either pulling up in a VW Beetle, he's riding some sort of giant "
"-esque Beetle, or he's so fucking high that words are just pouring out of his brain. Frankly, that's also an option.