There are only two reasons a man will listen to a R&B album like Trey Songz' new Trigga. One, he's hoping it'll help get him laid, both by soaking in Songz' apparent appeal with the ladies through auditory osmosis, and by literally playing the album with a female in the room and hoping it will act as an aphrodisiac. Two, because...........................
..............................................nope, there's only one reason a man will listen to an R&B album like Trey Songz' new Trigga. So instead of going through the usual review format and pretending to care about things like song structure, I thought I'd just lay it all out in the open; how likely is it that Trigga will assist you in obtaining a non-solo orgasm? Is there really any other criteria?
Now, for the record, I'm talking about actual sex, not music video sex, which can be two completely different things. For example, while the models in Next's Too Close video appear to be enticed, I have yet to encounter a real, non-paid woman who's turned on by a song about getting a half-boner in the club. On the flip side, anyone who hears D'Angelo's "Untitled" is automatically guaranteed to have sex with you, which is why you need to be so careful about when and where you play that song. With great power comes great responsibility.
Also, for all the women reading this, I'm not considering how likely this album is to get you laid because music is completely irrelevant to getting you laid. You could throw on some GWAR in the bedroom and if you're looking right, the guy won't even pause. However, feel free to jump into the comments and tell me how incredibly wrong I am. Or completely right. You'll probably tell me I'm completely right.
Ok, enough explaining. Which songs on Trigga are more like "Too Close" and which ones are more like "Untitled"? Let's get to the action....
Just so we're clear, if you put this song on, you're basically telling a woman that you're going to perform enthusiastic cunnilingus on her. Which is a great thing and will definitely help you get laid, I just want to make sure you know what you're committing to before you press play. Come on now, what do you think "ain't I supposed to eat it too?" is a reference too?
Combine the lyrical theme with some genuinely smooth singing from Trey and this is a promising opening bid. Consider it foreplay.
Will It Get Me Laid?: Yes, you might want to start doing some tongue strengthening exercises to prepare.
On the plus side, that hypnotic beat and Songz' harmonies are pretty damn hard to resist. On the down side, yo, is this racist? When you really get down to it, this song's saying that if you're an attractive woman in need of U.S. citizenship, Songz will consider hooking you up with some green card status in exchange for sexual favors. Emphasis on consider.
Will It Get Me Laid?: Are you with the kind of lady who actually listens to lyrics and thinks about what those lyrics mean? If so, then no, no it won't. If you're not with that kind of lady, then it probably will get you laid, but you're also probably having sex with a dumb person. It's up to you whether you consider that a bad thing.
At first it may seem like a song actually titled "Na Na" would be unlikely to do the job, but that's at first. So far this is the intercourse lock of the album. It's so catchy and smooth not even DJ Mustard's "Mustard on the beat ho" cock block of a drop can stop it. Plus, the Fugees reference on the hook will remind her of Lauryn Hill, even if just subconsciously, which will make you seem subconsciously classy.
Will It Get Me Laid: If it doesn't, that's on you, not Trey. You must have messed something up...like telling her you could get her a green card in exchange for a lap dance.
"Touchin, Lovin" (ft. Nicki Minaj)
On the whole, it's a perfectly sexy song that may not help your campaign, but probably won't hurt it either. As a general rule, women enjoy the "I'm gonna treat you better than your man" fantasy song because their current boyfriend is probably a dick, and you could very well be that dick boyfriend, but play this and your girl can fantasize about being with Trey Songz instead of you, only Trey Songz isn't around, so it'll paradoxically increase your odds of her forgetting you're a dick for 17 minutes (I'm being generous) and having sex with you. Wrap your heard around that one, I'll give you a moment.
Although....despite what I wrote earlier about guys not caring if GWAR is playing, I just can't get down to the sound of Nicki Minaj rapping. And yes, that means Barbz everywhere will never have sex with me. Also, good.
Will It Get Me Laid?: Maybe, but you'll have to stay aroused while listening to Nicki rap, and you might be a dick boyfriend. You know what? Just skip this one.
"Disrespectful" (ft. Mila J)
What's that weird electronic wobble in the beat? It sounds like an auto-tuned turkey gobble. Otherwise, this is pretty damn sexy, although I would seriously consider the situation you're in. The song's basically about not caring about cheating on someone, so if you're trying to have sex with your monogamous girlfriend (again, one who actually listens to lyrics), you might end up doing more harm then good.
But, if you're trying to cheat on someone, with someone else who's trying to cheat on their boyfriend, then yeah, this is your anthem. It's basically going to do for infidelity what "Peaches N' Cream" did for sales of peaches and cream.
Will It Get Me Laid?: Depends - are you cheating?
"Dead Wrong" (ft. Ty Dolla $ign)
Does Trey Songz ever have sex with women who aren't in a relationship with someone else? There's got to be at least one attractive lady out there who's not also married. So yeah, this is basically just a slightly different version of "Disrespectful," with Ty Dolla $ign instead of Mila J. If you need a refresher, go back and read the previous song.
Will It Get Me Laid?: See above.
"All We Do"
What did I say was the intercourse lock of the album before this? "Na Na"? Forget "Na Na", let's pretend like I never even wrote that. The reason I always preferred The-Dream to Songz was Dream always had a darker, and therefore more intense, element to even his babymaker slow jams, and this is the closest Songz has gotten to Dream in a minute probably forever. Feel free to just put this on repeat and forget the rest of the album.
Will It Get Me Laid?: Yes, and you should probably marry her. Sure, you'll be divorced in a week, but it'll be one hell of a week.
"Foreign (Remix)" ft. Justin Bieber
If you ever have sex while Justin Bieber's music is playing, we will never speak again. You are dead to me. And don't think you'll be able to do it and then I'll never find out. The stink of shame and regret will hover over you for weeks like a dark cloud of Bieber despair.
Will It Get Me Laid?: Really? This is even a question? YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!!
"Late Night" ft. Juicy J
Heads up, this song is like five minutes long, so if you're the average American, you may not even make it to the Juicy J verse. But if you're a grown man who can actually put in some work, I'm not going to lie to you, you're going to be walking a tight rope the entire time that Juicy verse is playing.
You know what? Scratch that, the Juicy verse probably won't even matter considering Songz is literally saying he doesn't want anything to do with anyone who would ever even consider monogamy an option. Did I mention Trey's a fan of cheating?
Will It Get Me Laid?: Is she a stripper?
It only took nine songs of Wilt Chamberlain-esque performance for all that cheating to finally catch up to Trey. In terms of the song itself, I mean, it is the most openly emotional and slow song on the album, which should help, but the hook also prominently includes the phrase "lie right to her face."
You know what? The "I'm so sorry girl, take me back" thing is such an established premise in R&B she probably won't even really notice, and all that crooning can only be a good thing. Regardless, props to Trey for turning accidental butt dialing into a hit single. It's almost as impressive as turning having a half-boner in the club into a hit single. Almost.
Will It Get Me Laid?: In a weird way she wants to know you'd be that heartbroken and desperate if you ever lost her love. So yes, probably.
"Yes, No, Maybe"
Oh, now Trey's all salty when it turns out one of his myriad foreign semi-prostitutes is cheating on him in return? Cry me a motherfucking river Trey. I've got an album full of evidence that says you're in no position to be getting angry about infidelity.
I'm sorry, I'm clearly getting too emotionally invested in this album. Back to the issue at hand...."Yes, No, Maybe" is definitely way too angry to be playing during any love making session. Pretty much the last thing a woman wants to hear while even considering possibly regretting you tomorrow is, "tell me, where the fuck would you be without me?"
Will It Get Me Laid?: If you don't already know the answer, you've got deeper problems than I can solve here.
"Y.A.S. (You Ain't Shit)"
Basically a continuation of "Yes, No, Maybe," only now Trey's learned to accept that he really brought the break up on himself. Crucial point though, even though she blasts Trey for a litany of emotional wrongs, he's sure to mention that the sex was still really good.
This is pretty much the last thing you want to have in a girl's head while trying to conjoin genitalia. You should probably just stop the album after "Smartphones."
Will It Get Me Laid?: Sweet baby jesus, no.
"Change Your Mind"
After all that, he's back to pulling the ol' "Girl, don't listen to your friends, they're just jealous" card when, let's be honest, I think we all know Songz is probably doing all sorts of unspeakable acts with those same friends. The last portion of this album has taken a decidedly down turn from "music to have sex to" to "music to apologize but not really" to. Maybe you really should just put "All We Do" on repeat and call it a day.
Will It Get Me Laid?: Nope. Just nope.
So what's the final verdict?
First, I don't have to say that no music, no matter how great, can make someone have sex with you, right?* The vast majority of the time, she's already decided if she's going to have sex with you...unless you throw on something so wack she's forced to reconsider. In other words, you have almost nothing to gain and everything to lose. With that in mind, I don't think "Trigga" will seal the deal for you, but it won't blow your chances either; although, again, your odds are far better with a possible one night stand than a spouse who might start wondering why you've throw on an album essentially dedicated to the joys of cheating on your significant other.
Plan accordingly. You're welcome.
[Nathan S. is the managing editor of The DJBooth and a hip-hop writer. He also occasionally talks in podcast form and appears on RevoltTV. His beard is awesome.
* Trick question. If you answered, "Actually, D'Angelo's 'Voodoo' can make anyone have sex with you" you've clearly been paying attention. I'm proud of you.