If you’ve read either of the previous editions of “Rap Lines That Make No F**king Sense,” you know how the game goes. We’re looking for lines that aren’t just bad but contain some inherently wack-fatal flaw.
In other words, if you’re a rapper who said some shit because it sounded cool but didn’t think through the meaning, you’re getting called out.
For no reason, other than Drake’s a big target, I decided to go with an all-Drizzy edition this time. The young man’s a quality rapper, but you can’t release as much material as Aubrey has in the past year and not slip up a few times.
Let’s begin…
“Over”
“I know way too many people here right now that I didn’t know last year / Who the fuck are y’all?”
What do you mean, who the fuck are they? I thought you just said you knew them.
Unless Drake has the same condition as the dude from Memento, or is going through an incredibly early onset of Alzheimer’s, his memory should be better.
“To the Floor” (Rich Boy featuring Drake)
Rich Boy’s latest offering is wack, and Drake’s weak guest verse isn’t helping, particularly when he’s dropping lines like, “Throw the pussy at me guaranteed you won’t see a strike / I’ma hit it hard you gonna think you Derek Jeter wife.“
First, Jeter’s not married. There is no “Derek Jeter wife.” He’s baseball’s most notorious bachelor. Second, Jeter doesn’t hit it hard. In his entire career, he’s never hit more than 25 home runs, and he averages 17 a season, a good but not impressive number.
I don’t demand complete accuracy from my rap sports references, but at least get it right. He could have used any player in that line—I know Albert Pujols doesn’t roll off the tongue, but his wife is smoking hot, and if you hit it as hard as Pujols, you’re laying down some pipe. (Also, I hate the Yankees, so that’s not helping.)
“You Know You Know”
My favorite Thank Me Later leftover, but if I was from Drake’s hometown, I would have been a little perturbed when I heard him say: “Yeah, and you can spare me the accolades / I’m the reason you can find my city on the Atlas page.”
I’m pretty sure Toronto was on the map before you came along, Drizzy, you know, considering it’s Canada’s largest city. Big K.R.I.T. put Meridian, Miss. on the map. Yelawolf put Gadsen, Alabama, on the map. Drake happens to be from Toronto.
And as long as we’re at it, no, you’re not the world’s only 23-year-old wine connoisseur, and it’s hard to tell whether Drake means he feels like 50 Cent in ’02 (when Fiddy signed to Shady and was building some buzz) or like 50 Cent in ’03 (when he dropped “Get Rich or Die Trying” and became, indeed, the “man”). Both technically work, so we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on that last one.
“Shut It Down”
Now I’m not going to pretend like I’ve got the world’s greatest game, but the past 27 years on Earth have taught me a few things about how to talk, and not talk, to the opposite sex. Let me cut right to the chase. If you’re in the midst of trying to seduce a woman, I’m having a hard time thinking of saying anything more ill-advised, “Baby, you finer than your fine cousin, and your cousin fine.”
Maybe in Drake’s world, girls f**k you no matter what you say, but in the real world, softly whispering to a woman how fine her cousin is is a guaranteed recipe for a slap and blue balls.
“Lose My Mind (Remix)” (Jeezy featuring Drake)
If you read me tear into Kanye for that Riesling line on “Run This Town,” you know I demand accuracy from rappers when it comes to alcohol, which is why I have to question Drake’s “Do I love these hos? Kinda, sorta. I got em drinkin’ Sangria like it’s fucking water.”
Sangria is a light, refreshing wine usually containing large pieces of fruit. In other words, sangria is a slightly alcoholic fruit punch. I’m not trying to tell Drake how to get hoes drunk — I’m sure he’s had more practice than me — but Sangria’s an incredibly inefficient way to go about things. Even if they’re drinking sangria like it’s water, you’re going to end up with a lot of only mildly drunk hoes on a crazy sugar high, which I doubt is what Drake was going for.