I’m not a rapper, but I know that being a good-to-great MC takes a certain level of high intelligence.
To be able to meticulously pack a verse with the perfect amount of metaphors, and similes, and to paint a picture with only words, and then make it flow perfectly down to the exact number of syllables—it's a science. The best of the best are professional wordsmiths and true poets.
For all of these reasons, as well as countless others, it's unsettling to see so many technicians of this great art form, one that relies on linguistic acrobatics, be plagued by misinformation. I’m of course talking about when rappers don’t understand basic female anatomy.
How could this happen? Has our education system failed us? I don’t know, but it’s an epidemic.
Below you will find 10 instances of rappers not understanding basic female anatomy. I stopped counting after 10. Shit was just too depressing.
Lil Wayne: “I'm a venereal disease, like a menstrual”
Song: "A Milli"
Does..... does Lil Wayne really think that menstruation is a venereal disease? Wayne was 25 when this song was released. Had he never been in a long-term relationship? And does he have no sisters, no aunts, and no mother? Where were the women in his family to inform him about simple biology? The only thing I want to hear on Tha Carter V is a track called “Sorry, I Was Misinformed About That Period Thing.”
Drake: “I can make that pussy whistle”
Song: "Best I Ever Had"
If you’re in bed with your girl and her vagina starts whistling, IMMEDIATELY go to the hospital. I don’t know what is happening, but it’s very clearly a medical emergency.
JAY-Z: “Your breastesses is my breakfast”
Song: "Drunk in Love" (w/ Beyoncé)
Guys. JAY-Z just literally admitted that he’s a cannibal. America’s favorite rapper is Hannibal Lecter with a Yankees fitted. I have no idea why this isn’t the biggest celebrity scandal of the 21st century. Horrific.
Lil' Fame (M.O.P): “Lift that ass up like gravity”
Song: "1/2 & 1/2"
To be fair, this technically isn’t a misunderstanding of the female anatomy; it’s a misunderstanding of basic science. Isaac Newton is recording a Lil' Fame diss track in his grave as we speak.
Trina: “I can make this pussy smoke”
Song: "Look Back At Me" ft. Killer Mike
This one is borderline unforgivable. Trina is a woman, so she should know better than anyone that if smoke starts coming out of a vagina, something terrifying is about to happen. I’ve spent six days trying to think of an instance where smoke coming out of a vagina would be a positive occasion but I honestly can’t think of any.
Eminem: “I ask her if she wants a computer lodged in her vagina”
This one is genuinely concerning. If Marshall paid any attention in health class, he would know that it’s physically impossible to shove a computer in that location. Biology does not grant the human body the ability to put a laptop there as there is no evolutionary purpose to putting a computer in one's vagina. Even an Apple iPad Mini 4 would be logistically impossible. Unless its the Octomom, it’s just not gonna happen.
Ab-Soul: “Are you a lesbian or a librarian?”
Song: "Nevermind That"
Juelz Santana: “Pussy look like Pacquiao”
Song: "Nothing To Me"
If someone’s privates look like Manny Pacquiao, that’s clearly another situation where it’s more of a medical emergency than a badass sex brag. I’m biased ‘cause I’m a Mayweather guy, but if your genitals look like a 39-year-old homophobic boxer you definitely have some form of advanced syphilis.
Kanye West: “If I fuck this model, and she just bleached her asshole, and I get bleach on my T-shirt, I'mma feel like an asshole”
Song: "Father Stretch My Hands, Pt. 1"
At first, I thought this line was absurd until I realized it’s a metaphor. Kanye isn’t actually talking about bleached assholes, he’s commenting on the works of French existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre. When he says, “If I fuck this model,” he means, “If I subscribe to Sarte’s primary principles of phenomenologist epistemology that humans are condemned to be free.” And “she” is his general sense of morality, and the “bleached asshole” is the realization that if fate doesn’t exist then, arguably, all your problems are of your own doing. The “T-shirt” is his subconscious. Therefore, if he accepts that existentialist logic and applies it to his actions (“get bleach on my T-shirt”), he’s gonna feel like an asshole. Incredible.
Lil B “Fuck your ho in the ass and her pussy squirted milk”
Song: "Pretty Bitch"