In less than a decade, Tyler, The Creator really went from “Stab Bruno Mars in his goddamn esophagus” to “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch...” He went from “Fuck coke, now I'm snorting Hitler’s ashes” to “Mr. Grinch, you're a bad banana.” Tyler really went from rapping “Rape a pregnant bitch and tell my friends I had a threesome” to making music for a Dr. Seuss movie. And I love it.
What a time to be alive.
Seven years ago, if you told me Tyler, The Creator would be making the theme song for the next Grinch movie, I would have checked you into a mental hospital. But 2018 is amazing.
This pattern NEEDS to continue. There must be more Dr. Seuss movies with rappers making the soundtracks. Here are a few examples of an incredible, hypothetical future for Hollywood.
MOVIE: Green Eggs and Ham
The story of Green Eggs and Ham is one of extreme frustration. Sam I Am keeps pestering his rightfully annoyed friend, harassing him into eating his gross ass food. GREEN EGGS?! Are you fucking kidding me? And there’s no rapper who captures anger and frustration better than Eminem.
Em will drop his biggest song since "Lose Yourself," entitled “In a House or With a Mouse,” where the hook essentially just repeats the dialogue from the book but with more yelling and profanity. Plus, think about all the stuff that rhymes with Green Eggs and Ham. Spleen, legs, and jam. Teens, kegs, and Spam. Ilene, Greg, and Pam. Em would have a blast.
- "In a House or With a Mouse"
- "In a Box or With a Fox"
- "Killshot 2 (Sam I Am Diss)"
MOVIE: If I Ran the Zoo
This one is a deep cut. But it’s a no-brainer because Nas wouldn't have to make any new songs. He could just repackage his classic “If I Ruled the World (Imagine That)” and slightly change the lyrics to make it about a zoo. And it would be a fitting tribute to Dr. Seuss himself, who was notoriously known for saying "Ether" was better than "Takeover."
- "If I Ruled the Zoo (Imagine That)" ft. Lauryn Hill
- "N.Y. Zoo State of Mind"
- "Made You Look (At the Zebras)"
MOVIE: Daisy-Head Mayzie
RAPPER: Cardi B
Daisy-Head Mayzie is an uncomfortable story about a girl that randomly sprouts a daisy from her head, causing panic among her family and friends. At its core, it’s about a strong woman. So for this movie, we need a rapper who understands strong women.
We need Cardi B.
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Every time I listen to Invasion of Privacy I feel like a strong, independent woman. With songs like “Be Careful” and “Thru Your Phone,” Cardi captures such a liberating sense of confidence, she could perfectly accentuate an optimistic ending for Daisy’s (frankly horrific) medical condition.
- "Be Careful (Remix)"
- "Thru Your Phone (Remix)"
MOVIE: The Lorax II: Electric Boogaloo
RAPPER: Lupe Fiasco
They already made a Lorax movie back 2012, but if they ever make a sequel they better have Lupe on speed dial. The Lorax has social commentary about climate change and corporate greed, and no one in hip-hop is better at complex, overwhelmingly intellectual social commentary than Lupe Fiasco.
The song would be an 11-minute, uninterrupted, stream-of-consciousness verse about capitalism, mass incarceration, domestic terrorism, corrupt politicians, and the history of Islam’s relationship to Western Culture. No one would be smart enough to understand it, but we’ll all pretend to be.
- "Kick Push III" ft. Your Sociology Professor
MOVIE: One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
RAPPER: Kendrick Lamar
Kendrick needs to score a film based on the Dr. Seuss book One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. But I'm not talking about one or two songs. I'm talking about a Black Panther type deal where K. Dot curates the ENTIRE soundtrack.
Kendrick only planned on making one song for Black Panther, but then he saw the movie and he loved it so much that he decided to do the entire soundtrack. So they need to make sure 1F2FRFBF is a goddamn masterpiece so Kendrick has no choice but to make the whole soundtrack.
- "Black Panther"
- "All The Stars"
- "King's Dead"
- "Big Shot"
- "Pray For Me"
(Yes, it’s just gonna be the Black Panther soundtrack and they're gonna hope no one notices.)
MOVIE: The Cat in the Hat
RAPPER: It doesn't matter.
I don’t care who makes the soundtrack. They just desperately need to remake this because the last Cat in the Hat movie was fucking terrifying and Hollywood needs to redeem itself.
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