A diss track aimed squarely at Drake’s head, “The Story Of Adidon” set the internet into a hilarious frenzy when Pusha revealed that Drake had a secret child named Adonis that he allegedly abandoned. It wasn’t just a rap song; it was a full-blown CNN investigation. Pusha opened a lovable celebrity’s closet door and showcased all his skeletons like the rap game Hannibal Buress.
“The Story of Adidon” didn't drive Drake off his throne as a Billboard juggernaut, but it was the first major chink in his armor and an L he’ll never fully shake off. It was a lyrical jab so brutal that Drizzy responded with radio silence. By throwing in the towel and refusing to punch back, he lost the beef by default.
Perhaps Drake knew issuing a response would be a losing battle. But what if Drake responded? Instead of Pusha’s verbal destruction denoting a first-round knockout, what if Drake and King Push ended up engaging in a vicious back and forth that lasted all of 2018? I’m talking about rap beef capable of setting off a shocking chain reaction of events, ultimately changing the lives of everyone involved forever.
Let’s look at what would have happened if Drake had responded to “The Story of Adidon.”
Fair warning, it's not pretty.
Backed into a corner, Drake replies to Pusha-T with an uncharacteristically politically charged track called “The Story Of AdiDonald,” a shot at Pusha affiliate Kanye (who produced all of DAYTONA) over his support of President Trump. Instead of responding to Pusha’s claims, including his entrance into fatherhood, Drake punts most of his insults at Mr. West in a desperate attempt to shift the narrative. Rap fans view the move as Drake side-stepping the beef, but Kanye takes the bait and bursts into a furious anti-Drake Twitter rant at 2 am. In a series of 80+ tweets, Kanye attacks Drake by claiming “DRAKE & JOSH WAS AN OVERRATED TV SHOW,” mistaking Drake for Drake Bell.
Pusha meanwhile lies low, cooking up his next track, “The Story of Adidon, Pt. II.” But this sequel has a surprise guest verse. From who? You guessed it: Adonis.
“You abandoned me, this is insanity / You ain't-a man to me, chop down the family tree,” Adonis raps, with a flow impressive beyond his years.
Adonis, only 14 months old, is a hip-hop prodigy who raps better than most infants can speak. With the permission of his mother, Sophie Brussaux, Adonis joins forces with Pusha-T, becoming the hottest rap duo since Clipse. They go by the name Pushadonis.
Then things get ugly. Like, really ugly.
In an effort to stem the rising tide of social media backlash, Drake grounds Adonis. For two weeks he must remain in his bedroom. But just as 2Pac released Me Against the World while he was in prison, Adonis continues to record and release new verses.
Following the release of “The Story of Adidon Pt. 3,” which includes damning allegations of Aubrey making corny dad jokes, Drake runs to the press to clean up this mess. Little did he know he was about to dig his own grave even deeper.
August 2018. Drizzy appears on Ellen and gives a compassionate interview. He’s apologetic for his failings as a father, and pontificates on his journey to “figure all of this out.” To gain public admiration, he uses the interview to promote his new charity project “Syrup & Latkes,” an organization that helps Canadian Jews between the ages of one and nine learn how to rap and sing—on the same track.
Unfortunately for Drake, his publicity plan backfires spectacularly after Pusha’s personal private investigator learns that “Syrup & Latkes” is a fraudulent charity, with all the proceeds being funneled into the creation of Air Drake. Drake becomes embroiled in a multi-million dollar lawsuit with a Hebrew school in Toronto. You hate to see it.
October 2018. Drake’s legacy is suffering. Adonis, quickly approaching two, now has three solo singles on the Billboard Hot 100. Unprecedented stuff. Like his father before him, Adonis is shattering records left and right, becoming the first infant rapper to sell out a North American stadium tour.
November 2018. Drake is convicted of fraud and embezzlement, and sentenced to five-to-20 years behind bars.
March 2019. Pusha-T officially adopts Adonis, becoming his legal guardian.
So, to recap: Drake is in prison. His two-year-old son is now the king of rap. Pusha-T is the proud father of a superstar son. Oh, and thousands of 12-year-old Jewish kids in Canada are burning their physical copies of Take Care.
Drake’s legacy is forever tainted.
If you know you know.